5ive Girls (2006) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Five delinquent girls are sent to a Catholic boarding school reformatory in which they are to be rehabilitated. First they are strip searched. Later come the spankings.

Usual Catholic school stuff. Reminded me of my high school.

Then stranger things start to happen. They speak and write in tongues. They are lured into arcane rituals. Crosses fly through the air and impale priests.

Again, pretty standard stuff. Sounds like one of our pep rallies.

Who's causing the mischief? Oh, I don't know, let me think ... could it be ... SATAN? Actually, it's one of Satan's tricky pals called Legion, whom you may remember from one of those Exorcist movies. And I guess Legion is a demonic presence which consists of many demons, which is how he got his name, or so they say. The New Testament book of Mark (5:9) puts it this way:

"And he asked him, 'What is thy name?' And he answered, saying, 'My name is Legion: for we are many.'"

Fortunately, the girls each have supernatural powers, and together they can combine to battle the demon or demons. That's not to say they can win, but they can at least battle.

5ive Girls had the potential to be a great exploitation film or a great horror film. It has five hot chicks locked into a demon-possessed abandoned schoolhouse with a troubled priest and a hot lesbian headmistress who's into domination. And Ron Perlman is the priest. What's not to like? Unfortunately, the film couldn't decide where to go. Not enough gore to please the slasher crowd. Not enough T&A to be a good exploitation film. Why? Because it decided to blend the Exorcist elements with the usual tired WB-style teen bonding elements. The usual stereotyped characters have the expected personality conflicts and engage in the typical bickering.

It's like a road company performance of Buffy meets Charmed.
 

DVD INFO

  • Very nice widescreen anamorphic transfer, but nothing else of value

 

NUDITY REPORT

  • Tasha May - breasts

  • Jennifer Miller - partial bum, and side-rear view of breasts

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online.

 

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

  • A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
  • B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
  • C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
  • C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
  • C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
  • D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
  • E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
  • F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

 

Based on this description, this film is a C- (watchable for genre fans). It's not an awful movie, but an opportunity squandered.

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