American Pie 5: The Naked Mile (2006) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

OK, let's get this out of the way. Placing American Pie in the title is a shameless rip-off. This is just a generic youthploitation film. The two lead characters are an innocent high school senior and his rowdy college-aged cousin. The only connections to the American Pie films are that both main characters are named Stifler, and that they run into "Jim's dad" (Eugene Levy, milking the role for every paycheck he can get.) Levy's character makes some references to things which took place in the earlier films, but the connections are perfunctory and unnecessary. The references have been cobbled in clumsily just so the distributors can profit from the titular connection to the familiar and beloved franchise. To be blunt, it's branded "American Pie" because the investors think that will sell more DVDs.

Enough of that.  You probably already knew all that, didn't you?

The bottom line is that I didn't care about that because the film is fun to watch. I enjoyed it far more than Band Camp, its predecessor in the American Pie straight-to-disc brand extensions. It is absolutely filled with gorgeous naked women, including three of the central characters. The famous "Naked Mile" itself takes up ten minutes of screen time, and the filmmakers inserted naked chicks every place where it was even remotely conceivable. Talk about gratuitous nudity! At one point three high school girls are talking. This conversation could take place anywhere, and has nothing to do with physical education class, but is set in the locker room in order to show a beautiful and well-stacked extra walking by stark naked. Right on!

There are also the usual comic set pieces one would expect from a raunchy youthploitation comedy. There are various bodily fluids being sprayed inappropriately. There's a drinking contest, a hard-on maintenance contest,  and an intramural football game against a rival fraternity which consists entirely of little people. There are several fun things about the kids' rivalry with the dwarves. First of all, the little men are all obnoxious and totally unsympathetic. Second, the main characters lose the game to the vertically challenged grid stars. In fact, not only do the little guys win the football game, but they also steal some women from our heroes, and then beat one of the Stiflers to a pulp! The fact that the little guys are arrogant and surly allows the other college guys to go nuts with politically incorrect insults for them, and they are constantly being referred to in such derogatory terms as "the Lollipop Guild" and "those Oompa-Loompa motherfuckers." And for the ultimate in political incorrectness, wait until you see how the rowdy Stifler cousin finally gets revenge against the evil head dwarf!

There are several other funny scenes as well, but the mushy core of the film is a sentimental teen love story about a boyfriend and girlfriend who are both virgins. He's ready to end that. His virginity is particularly embarrassing for him since (1) every single person in high school knows about it; and (2) he's a Stifler, the only wuss in the entire Stifler family. Let's be honest, the kid is just not Stifler material, as illustrated in the following:

I think the innocent love story plays out OK. It's not highly original, but it has a few good touches which I won't spoil for you, and it gives the film some tender moments which offer a pleasant relief from the drunken fraternity hijinks. It also gives the film some characters to act as an anchor for our point of view. The rowdy Stifler cousin provides the fun, but he's not vulnerable, so the nice-guy Stifler cousin performs the same function as Jim in the original American Pie series. He's the guy who goes for our hearts. And that's OK by me. The genre kind of demands it, the franchise absolutely demands it, and the script made an effort to make it entertaining.

From the foregoing, it should be obvious to you whether you would enjoy this film. It's obviously not targeted at the PBS audience, and you will not be asked to prove Mensa membership in order to rent the disc, but all in all, I found it a very easy watch, with plenty of out-of-control juvenile raunch, politically incorrect and sophomoric humor, and dozens of naked beauties. My kind of guilty pleasure film!