American Vampire (2000)
from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|It says on the box that this is a
|The vampire is not one of those stodgy
European counts, but a surfin' dude named Eric Von Zipper
(that was the name of the leather-clad nemesis of Annette
and Frankie in their beach movies). I guess he does all
of his surfin' at night, which makes him pretty damned
manly in my book, because it's hard enough to negotiate
those waves in daylight.
- why the hell not?
|He latches on to some high school kids
whose parents are away for the summer, and moves his
coffins into the parents' master bedroom.
To get rid of
him, our hero has to bring in Von Helsingmeister (Stoker
dropped the "meister" to make it catchier),
except that Von Helsing, famed vampire slayer:
in a trailer
sandals and Hawaiian print shirts
a pony tail
known only as "The Big Kahuna"
played by Batman's Adam West.
who hires him is quite disappointed in his appearance. He
expected a mature adult, not a "third-rate
available on DVD, but not
for sale at Amazon
that tell you everything you need to know? If not, I
might add that Dracula's lovely female vamps include Lady
- With their
votes ... IMDB summary: not enough IMDb
voters to produce a rating.l
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, this film is a D.
Nothing to motivate you to watch it. Not funny
enough for comedy lovers, not any T&A to make
it an exploitation film.
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