American Vampire (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

It says on the box that this is a comedy.


The vampire is not one of those stodgy European counts, but a surfin' dude named Eric Von Zipper (that was the name of the leather-clad nemesis of Annette and Frankie in their beach movies). I guess he does all of his surfin' at night, which makes him pretty damned manly in my book, because it's hard enough to negotiate those waves in daylight.


none - why the hell not?
He latches on to some high school kids whose parents are away for the summer, and moves his coffins into the parents' master bedroom.

To get rid of him, our hero has to bring in Von Helsingmeister (Stoker dropped the "meister" to make it catchier), except that Von Helsing, famed vampire slayer:

  1. Lives in a trailer
  2. Wears sandals and Hawaiian print shirts
  3. Has a pony tail
  4. Is known only as "The Big Kahuna"
  5. Is played by Batman's Adam West.

The kid who hires him is quite disappointed in his appearance. He expected a mature adult, not a "third-rate Spicoli"

available on DVD, but not for sale at Amazon

Does that tell you everything you need to know? If not, I might add that Dracula's lovely female vamps include Lady Rodman.

'Nuff said.

The Critics Vote


The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: not enough IMDb voters to produce a rating.l
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a D. Nothing to motivate you to watch it. Not funny enough for comedy lovers, not any T&A to make it an exploitation film.

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