Another 9 1/2 Weeks (1997) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

 Scoop's comments in white

Did we really need to know the rest of this story?

Years after the famous 9 1/2 week affair, John Grey has never gotten over the fact that he let Elizabeth out of his life without telling her that he loved her. This has made him a despondent old man on the verge of suicide, and he flies to Paris so that he can mope around there and try to find out what happened to his true love. Turns out she kicked the bucket, after a descent into the nasty drug scene.

John then has a brief fling with one of Elizabeth's friends, a woman who read Elizabeth's diary accounts of the first 9 1/2 weeks. The problem is that John is aware that what he used to be screwed up his whole life and lost him Elizabeth, but the other chick wants him to be exactly what he used to be, because she's been fantasizing about him since she read the diaries. So they don't exactly have a match made in heaven.

The not-so-imaginative irony is that the girlfriend lets John go in the same way that John once let Elizabeth go.

Yawn.

The film has some good points. It looks good except for the sex scenes, which are too dark. The art direction is attractive, and the exteriors take place in Paris and the French countryside. And that's about it for the plusses.

On the negative side, it's a 90 minute movie with only 3-4 minutes of plot. And talk about a lack of chemistry between leads! The two of them never seemed to like each other, even when they were having sex.

Poor ol' Mickey Rourke hasn't aged so well. He looked like a ventriloquist's dummy that recently had his hair re-fitted. Despite his appearance, Rourke gave the role his best shot, and was fairly effective as a guy lost inside himself, rich in possessions but obsessed with regret about past mistakes and chances never taken.

Angie Everhart looked great, but she obviously went to the Royal Kathy Ireland School of Supermodel Acting, and just couldn't deliver a line naturally, so was not able to create a character you can relate to. It is unfortunately for Angie, that film techgnology developed sound before color. If there had ever been silent color films, she could have been the Theda Bara of her time. Her statuesque frame, her shocking mane of red hair, and the way she fills out a sweater all make her an imposing physical presence. At least until she has to deliver a line, at which point she makes Pam Anderson seem to have the depth of Soren Kirkegaard. She delivers every line with the chirpy intonations of a high school cheerleader.

It's supposed to be a bit of classy erotica. The art direction is fairly classy, but the who project is about as erotic as pizza stains on your tie. The sex scenes are too dark, the leads don't seem to like each other, and Angie just doesn't have the acting skills to carry her part. It isn't sexy enough to be a softcore, and it doesn't have enough content or good enough acting to be a real movie. End of story.

 Tuna's comments in yellow

As the film opens, we see a straight razor playing with a nipple. A maid knocks to deliver breakfast, and we see Mickey Rourke toying with a blindfolded blonde. Since the maid has broken the mood, the blindfolded woman asks that most romantic of questions, "Will this be cash or credit card?"

Yes, the Mickster, after screwing up a promising relationship with Kim Basinger in the original film by pushing her too far past her comfort level in BDSM, is still madly in love with her. In a case of art imitating life, he has now become an aging, pathetic, whining loser whose life is behind him.

After a quick round of solitaire Russian Roulette, he heads off to Paris, where he buys a bunch of paintings were owned by the Kim Basinger character. Then he meets Angie Everhart, who is wearing a scarf that Mick once gave to Kim. Small continuity problem here. The scarf was a major plot point in the first film, because it was his first gift to her, and it was a very loud and elaborate print. The scarf, like the plot of this sequel, morphed into a boring monotone.

Everhart had been Basinger's friend, and wants a piece of the old Mickster for herself. Everhart nearly gives the aging Mickster an emotional erection, but not quite. When she is not lusting after morose has-beens, Angie owns half of a fashion agency and has a sexy assistant who seems to exist to show some breasts during one of the most boring spots.

Depending on your taste, the original 9 1/2 Weeks was either one of the better soft core films, or a fascinating examination of the exchange of power in sexual relationships. Either way, the sex in the alley in the rain scene, the food sex in front of the fridge, and the blindfold and ice cube scene belong in the top 10% of sex on film. While not explicit, they sizzle. This sequel generates no such heat, and explores no ground whatsoever. It is rather obviously an attempt to milk a little more money out of fans of the original with a script that isn't even classy enough to line the bottom of a bird cage.