Aphrodite

Aphrodite (1982) from Tuna

Aphrodite is a French softcore effort from Robert Fuest.

It is set in Europe just prior to WW1. An arms dealer is taking some friends on his yacht to a private Greek island to properly commemorate the confluence of the moon and Pleides. He is also visiting a potential arms customer. His intent is to get all of his guests to reenact an erotic story about Aphrodite in honor of the feast of that goddess and, hopefully, get the virginal Valerie Kaprisky properly laid. Two of the three days go according to plan, but, on the third day, Archduke Ferdinand is shot, ruining the whole plan.

The film enjoyed a theatrical release in France and Finland, and then went to vid in Finland, Italy, Portugal, Spain and West Germany. As near as I can tell, the German version is the only one on DVD although, strangely enough, the audio is in English in the available all-region version. At any rate, the film is nearly impossible to find.

Not that you would want to.

The film has supporters who defend it by mentioning the classical score, costuming, and soft focus photography. I suspect that a very naked Valerie Kaprisky is a huge part of their enjoyment, because this film is a drag, especially after the first ten minutes, which contain all the Kaprisky nudity. Basically, it's a series of inane conversations followed by sex scenes. Don't let the economical running time of 88 minutes fool you. It felt like it took hours. I saw nothing of merit in the plot or the acting, but, as a soft-core sex film, it does meet the minimum genre requirements.

DVD INFO

No features
the transfer is anamorphically enhanced, and is not especially vivid

NUDITY REPORT

Valerie Kaprisky - the full monty
We are also treated to breasts and pubes from Catherine Jourdan

Along the way, numerous unknowns have mostly simulated sex, although the ol' "big toe in the vagina" trick was not simulated.

The Critics Vote ...

No major reviews on line

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 3.4/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C-, assuming the genre is soft-core sex films, based solely upon lots of full frontal and rear nudity from Valerie Kaprisky in the first ten minutes, and various others interspersed throughout the film.