Au Pair Girls (1971) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

This odd little film exists somewhere in limbo. Part exploitation film, part parody of exploitation films, part farce, part tragedy. It is many things, but I guess the way to summarize it best is to say that it is a nudie-cutie film that makes an attempt to add a complete entertainment overlay. It is four stories, loosely connected by a brief prologue and epilogue that establish that all four women are au pairs, newly arrived in England from foreign countries, and that none of their assignments worked out to their satisfaction. The four girls never see other in between the framing elements at the opening and closing, but the movie jumps from story to story rather than telling them one at a time. There doesn't seem to be any good reason to interweave the stories, at least not that I could see.

I guess the problem with this is that it's essentially a softcore porn film, replete with full-frontal nudity from all four girls. I think that people go to these films to get turned on, and the tragedy of the last two stories ought to make your monument crumble, if you have any kind of a conscience.

On the other hand, the film delivers on the nudie premise. It shows you four pretty girls at the beginning, and it ends up revealing every inch of them eventually. It does not cheat or skimp on the nudity.

The premise is probably a common fantasy for British men. In my years in the Isles, I dated many divorcees, and every single one had an au pair. These girls come from all over the world to improve their English. They live with an English family, and in return for board they perform light household duties, things like picking the kids up from school. I suppose I'm not the only man who thought of performing some indecent acts upon these ladies or their young friends.

To me, the most entertaining thing about the film is the music. The opening theme song is so-o-o-o-o 70's. Let's just say that Barry Manilow would find it a bit square. It sounds like a reworking of the theme to Love American Style, sung in the same general corny choral style as The Fifth Dimension's "Up, Up, and Away", and with such words as:

so be-e-ware  ...

of falling in love

with the new au pair

... the new au pair

... that new au pair

... that crazy au pair

... that funky au pair

... that groovy au pair

 

oh, yeah, fall in love if you dare

with the new au pair
 

As bad as that was, it seemed as soulful as Big Bill Broonzy compared to the "rock god" that the German girl ended up with. He performed his songs, and teeny-boppers threw themselves at him, but he was about as romantic and sexy as the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter, except that John Sebastian was a rock bad boy compared to this guy. Think Yanni.

The cast round-up

• Gabrielle Drake, she of the kewpie doll face and perfect natural body, went on to work in Derek Ford sex dramas, gradually evolving into a mainstream TV career in the UK on shows like Medics. She is the sister of folksinger Nick Drake.
• Me Me Lai, who showed the least flesh of the four, went on to a career in Italian Cannibal flicks (now there's a career specialty!), and appeared in an early Lars Van Trier film.
• Astrid Frank made this film near the end of her career, and had worked mostly in German-language nudies.
• Nancie Wait never worked in films before this one, did one more sexploitation film, "The Amorous Milkman", and disappeared forever from showbiz.