The Bikini Carwash Company

The Bikini Carwash Company (1992) has to be the best tittie flick ever made based on the only criteria that matters - tit time. There are bare breasts in nearly every minute of this gem. Jack, from the midwest, comes to Southern California to manage his uncle's carwash for the summer. Some beach hotties, led by Kristi Ducati, are in need of funds, and the carwash is less than a thriving business, so they offer to help Jack in return for half the extra profits. The gimmick? Beach hotties in bikinis washing the cars. It doesn't hurt any that the bikinis have a habit of coming off. Add a narrow minded DA, a dumb cop, an attorney friend of Ducati and lots of horny customers, and you have the excuse for a plot.

NUDITY REPORT

a titty film - The following women, at least, show breasts and buns: Kristi Ducati, Rikki Brando, Suzanne Brown, Neriah Napaul, Kimberly Bee and Missy Warner. All except Kimberly Bee have made similar films, and Neriah Napaul is a former rabbit person, and lingerie model.

It is so bad, that by the end, someone says "lets take some pictures," and we have 15 minutes of dancing and posing. IMDB readers say 3.5 of 10, but a full 20% of those voting gave it a 10. If you want Citizen Kane or Gone with the Wind, freaking rent them, and not this (that message to all of the low voters at IMDB).

DVD info from Amazon.

full screen
no meaningful features

Brainscan says (yellow):

The mother lode of good-looking women with very little clothing is, in my humble opinion, Bikini Carwash Company. You got your Neriah Davis in the days before she visited a plastic surgeon and appeared in the bunnymag, you got your Sara Suzanne Brown and her recreational body, you got three other babes in states of undress and, most of all, you got the goddess, herself, Kristi Ducati. You know, in Japan serious photographers grab B-movie actresses and porn queens, take them out to exotic locales and shoot an entire magazine or book of the babes all nekkid and everything. I would have done that with Kristi, had I any pretense of photocompetence. Next best thing is this movie. On DVD, no less. So I thought, what could be better?

Bad news. As Tuna made clear, the DVD transfer sucked. Really sucked.

The Critics Vote

no reviews online

The People Vote ...

With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDB readers say 3.5/10

IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C. If you want a brainless movie with lots of breasts and enough humor to keep you awake, this is a good genre effort.