Blitz (1985) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

This film is also known as Killing Cars.

Blitz is a German attempt to make a Hollywood-style movie with action, espionage, beautiful babes, etc. The plot concerns a German auto manufacturer with the plan for a perfect car - a sporty, economical, durable, pollution-free driving machine that doesn't require petrol. They have the prototype, but everyone else either wants it, or wants to prevent it from becoming public. I guess you could say the plot is not that bad, somewhere between "Tucker" and "The Betsy" in terms of storyline, but the film doesn't even approach the minimal standards of The Betsy in terms of human insight, narrative, or well-crafted photography. Mostly it's a typical grade-B European film with people smoking vast quantities of cigarettes and looking at each other meaningfully.

The Germans seem to be good at a lot of things, including car-making, but cinema is still not one of them, and their film industry was even less developed in 1985. The director was Michael Verhoeven, who is not related to the talented Dutch director Paul Verhoeven, but must be a pretty cool guy because he has been married to Senta Berger for the past 37 years (she also stars in this film).

One of the world's great mysteries is how the star of this film, the ubiquitous grade-B character actor Jürgen Prochnow (right), managed at one time in his life to star in an acclaimed film like Das Boot.

Prochnow's picture on a DVD box means the same thing as a cow skull at a water hole  >>>>>>>>.

To his credit, he is versatile. He is willing to make bad movies in different languages. The German film industry makes some films which are certainly poor enough to meet his standard, but they don't make enough of them, so he has to branch out internationally. Here are the bad movies he has made since 1990:

  1. (5.43) - The Fall (1998)
  2. (5.18) - Fourth War, The (1990)
  3. (5.03) - The Last Stop (2000)
  4. (5.00) - Kill Cruise (1990)
  5. (4.97) - Final Ascent (2000)
  6. (4.79) - Last Run (2001)
  7. (4.73) - Interceptor (1992)
  8. (4.62) - Hurricane Smith (1992)
  9. (4.61) - Ripper (2001)
  10. (4.58) - Heaven's Fire (1999)
  11. (4.51) - Judge Dredd (1995)
  12. (4.46) - Elite (2000)
  13. (4.38) - Dark Asylum (2001)
  14. (4.31) - Gunblast Vodka (2000)
  15. (4.14) - Poison (2000)
  16. (4.13) - Body of Evidence (1993)
  17. (3.72) - Wing Commander (1999)
  18. (3.38) - DNA (1997/I)
  19. (3.31) - House of the Dead (2003)
  20. (1.90) - Trigger Fast (1994)

There are some very, very bad films on that list. I haven't seen the bottom three, but if they are far worse than Gunblast Vodka, I can't even conceptualize what they might be like. Did the director leave the lens cap on when he filmed them?  I would love to see Trigger Fast. It is a Western which stars that rootin'-tootin' buckaroo Christopher Atkins as someone named Dusty Fog, and co-stars another orn'ry sidewinder, Corbin Bernsen. A sure sign of Prochnow's special status is that he is billed eighth in a movie rated 1.9 with those two guys billed #1 and #2! It doesn't get much worse than that.

To be fair, Prochnow was also in The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum and The English Patient, although many of you will have even less respect for him after finding out about that whole English Patient thing.

DVD info from Amazon

  • for reasons unclear to me, it comes with a 1956 Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoon called Spooking About Africa.

  • no widescreen

  • crappy film, but you can't beat the price. This a a 5-disc set which includes 10 movies, and you can buy it for as little as ten bucks used (eighteen bucks new). A buck a movie.


  • Jurgen Prochnow shows Das Booty
  • Marina Larsen shows everything.
  • Some models show their breasts in still photographs.

The Critics Vote ...

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is an F in its current avatar. Complete crap. The picture is sub-VHS quality, and the dubbing is awful. The film might be a D if there were a good DVD made from an original source.

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