Blood Surf (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Oh, it's not about that. That stopped 10 minutes into the movie.

Well, this isn't bad. Three chicks on an island, and they run into pirates who intend to rape them. Could be a good exploitation thing.

Nah, it isn't about that either.

You see, the pirates and the sharks both get eaten by a bigger predator. It's a giant crocodile movie. A saltwater crocodile, to be more specific.

OK, it's kind of a dumb movie, I admit it. What would you expect from a movie about giant saltwater crocodiles, or salties, as the Aussie captain calls them, with that genuine affection that Aussies are known to have for murderous creatures. They call Manson "Chucko" there. Of course, salties are scarier than sharks because you can escape sharks by getting to land, whereas the salties are amphibious. The plot was more or less a straight knock-off of Jaws, including a grade-z impersonation or parody of Robert Shaw by the aforementioned crusty old sea captain. You see he once ran a tourist boat called the Indianapolis, and he once saw all of his tourists eaten by the salties. Or maybe he saw them eating saltines. He's kinda insane, so he's not sure. No, it was the saltie thing. There's another flashback to prove it.

The heroes even managed to catch one of the pirates in his own booby trap, simply by saying, "well, if you want to rape me, mister big strong pirate, come over here. No, not that way, a couple inches to the left"

Too silly. 

• There is some really cool surfing footage. The title "blood surf" refers to one of those extreme sports, where the surfers go into shark infested waters, throw in plenty of chum to attract the sharks, cut their own bodies to produce a trail of blood, then surf in to shore. There are some great shots of them surfing among the fins, and there are some tremendous underwater shots, where the camera is far underwater, shooting up to a shark, which is a few feet under the surface and right beneath a surfboard.
• If you've wondered what happened to Kate Fischer since "Sirens", here's your chance to see her, seven years later. If you remember, she was the third siren, the full-figured one who was neither Portia nor Elle. She looks much better now. I guess she has lost 40-50 pounds since Sirens, but her chest is still enormous, so she looks really impressive in those tight clothes. Regrettably, she didn't do a nude scene.
• Some of the cartoon characterization is pretty entertaining. The dumb surfer provides some cheap laughs. The American movie director provides some crass humor when he tries to bribe everyone in the cast with greenbacks. I think he even offered a few bucks to the croc. "I could make it worth your while not to eat me". The demented Robert Shaw impersonation is so off-the-wall that it almost works.
• The crocs are fairly scary.
• The bonus footage is interesting. You can see the actual size of the 30 foot croc (about three feet), and how they filmed the special effects.

IMDb voters like it slightly less than getting dog doo-doo on their new Italian shoes, and they score it 3.3 - in the Ed Wood/John Derek range.

But I found myself strangely fascinated by the film. I think it would be great for MST 3000, and I really liked the bonus footage. I could have watched 30 minutes less of the movie, and 30 minutes more of the bonus footage. 

The director is the same guy who did that evil gardener movie with Malcolm McDowell and Angie Everhart. Neither of those is a good movie, to say the least, but the guy has some imagination. 

Tuna's comments in yellow:

Blood Surf (2000), AKA Krocodylus is a Jaws type monster-as-villain film, starring a salt water crocodile affectionately called Salty. Scoopy enjoyed the film, even though he won't admit it to himself, and pointed out that it was a terrible horror/thriller. If that were the genre, I would agree with his D rating. However, I think I can prove that the genre is wrong.

1) They have three major female roles: Taryn Reif, tiny breasts, willing to show them briefly; Maureen Larrazabal, medium breasts, loves being naked; Kate Fischer, large ripe breasts, keeps her clothes on (although she has ok pokies late in the film). So they kill off Larrazabal first, then Reif. The compulsive clothes wearer is the only female survivor.

2) Every performance is way over the top. That kind of consistency is not an accident.

3) The more outrageous of the two surfers even cuts his feet to help attract sharks. He is in it for the adrenalin rush. He is on his board and splashing, and his buddy tells him that is a bad idea. A 12 ton shark immediately swims between their two surfboards, and Mr. Macho assumes the fetal position and starts blubbering. The shark manages not to even shake the two boards.

As a comedy, and a subtle spoof of Jaws, I give this a C+.