Bordello of Blood (1996) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Can it be? Did I actually watch a B-movie that I enjoyed? Amazingly, yes! "Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood" is a fun, campy, tongue-firmly-planted-in cheek, spoof of vampire movies starring one of our comedy heroes, Dennis Miller, and the very sexy Angie Everhart (unfortunately in her strict, non-nude days.)

The Plot...


Angie Everhart is the Mother of all vampires, brought back from the un-dead by a televangelist who has the key to controlling her. Here's the deal they strike: she lures men to the bordello, where she converts them into vampires, or feeds on them. For the televangelist (Chris Sarandon), he is using her as a tool to rid the world of sinners, and then selling the victim's cars and jewelry to raise money for his TV Bible Network.

Erika Eleniak is the televangelist's assistant and her brother is missing. When the police can't help, she hires Dennis Miller, the low-rent, private investigator to crack the case and save the day.

NUDITY REPORT
The nudity...
Lot's of it, and all well lit and nicely photographed.
  • Ciara Hunter in bondage gear.
  • Juliet Reagh, sporting well crafted robo-hooters.
  • Leslie Ann Phillips, when two nipples aren't enough for ya.
  • Assorted Nude Unknowns

This is a great example of how casting can make all the difference in the world. Put anyone else in the PI role, and this is just another "Tales from the Crypt" episode with light humor, silly gore and nudity. However, with Miller spouting one-liners and sarcastic remarks one after another, this becomes a wonderful, lighthearted spoof of all the silliness in the vampire genre. As a bonus, every time Miller is on screen, he looks like he's having a ton of fun, and I couldn't help but join in.

If you're a fan of Dennis Miller, you'll enjoy this. If you think vampire movies are just a little too silly, you'll enjoy this. If you like Angie Everhart (even non-nude) you'll enjoy this. And if you enjoy gratuitous nudity...then you'll really like this!

DVD info from Amazon.

  • widescreen anamorphic, 1.85:1

  • no features, but a good transfer
Scoop's comment: Tuna and I have basically written the exact same review in the back issues. Without Miller it would have been a grade-b titfest. With Miller, it was a really entertaining grade-b titfest.

This probably represents that best job any director has ever done in incorporating Miller's tremendous comic gifts into a character.

girl in vampire bordello: Guess where you just landed, lover?
Dennis Miller: Larry Flynt's id?

The Critics Vote

  • Berardinelli 2/4

The People Vote ...

  • with their dollars: $6 million domestic gross

 

 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C+. One of the most entertaining "b" films ever made, both entertaining and sexy.

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