Bottoms Up

Bottoms Up (2006) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Our guest introduction to this one will be delivered by Rod Serling, as he stands off to the side, puffing on an unfiltered cigarette, and says: "Imagine, if you will, a film in which the male and female leads are Jason Mewes (he's Jay, of Jay and Silent Bob) and Paris Hilton."

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Oh, I know what you're thinking. "Do we really need another remake of Macbeth?"

Well, yes we do. I especially love when Lady Macbeth says, "Come ON, you darned spot, get out. Stupid spot. Spots are NOT hot."

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It's actually a romantic comedy about fame. Jay plays a guy from the Midwest who kind of accidentally ends up hanging with the heartthrob star of some big WB series. Paris plays the heartthrob's girlfriend, who ends up ditching the hunk because she falls in love with Jay.

Word.

This time I told the truth. It doesn't sound that much more credible than Macbeth, does it?

The third lead is David Keith, who (over)plays a character named Gay Uncle Earl. Silent Bob also has a small role, as does Tim Thomerson. Paris, in a daring stretch of her acting capabilities, plays a spoiled and vapid heiress who is generally pretty but always has a bored and vacant expression. Why was this such a challenge for her? I'll tell you. Because she plays a pampered and vacuous brunette heiress. This required her to study the label on the hair dye for weeks.

This is another self-reviewing movie ... which is a good thing, because there won't be a lot of major reviews for this one. I'm going to guess that it is not on Roger Ebert's to-do list. Hell, they couldn't even come up with one blurb for the DVD box. I'm not sure why not. Perhaps this is the one film to get a bad review from Earl Dittman. I'll help out. Here's one that the Criterion Collection can use when they issue their deluxe three-disk set of Bottoms Up: "This movie greatly exceeded my expectations. A truly memorable experience."

I'll leave it to you to speculate about the nature of those expectations and memories.

DVD INFO

widescreen anamorphic

NUDITY REPORT

Lots of nudity. The are several topless chicks at a Hollywood pool party. Gina-Raye Carter is topless in a dark sex scene. Dita de Leon paints advertising on her bare breasts.

The Critics Vote ...

No major reviews online.

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters overrate it at 2.9/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is an E, a complete waste of time except that, believe it or not, David Keith made me laugh a couple of times. His broad portrayal of a gay guy was ridiculous and bordered on offensive, but he did fire off a couple of moments that were so far over-the-top that they made me laugh.