Cheerleader Massacre (2003) from Tuna
Cheerleader Massacre (2003 video) is a Jim Wynorski slasher offering which accomplishes something I would not have thought possible. It stands out as a particularly bad film compared to others in the genre. Before opening credits, he gets the important first cliches out of the way. A couple is camping. She flashes tits, then hears a noise. He goes out to check. When he returns, they start to have sex, which we all know means they will die soon. They hear another noise, he goes out, walks behind a tree, and dies. Someone slashes the tent with a butcher knife, she runs trips over her dead boyfriend, and is impaled by the killer. We don't see the killer at this point, mostly because he wasn't even on location.

As a matter of fact, I think they made this plot up as they went along.

Cut to cheerleaders, then immediately to the all important girls' shower scene. Most of the cheerleaders leave on a bus for some unknown reason, but one of them is slashed in the bathroom before they leave. Since the school is miles from the last murder by the escaped mental patient, we now know that there are two separate murderers. Please remember to be surprised when they show us this at the end. The bus has car trouble, and the girls, their leader, and three guys start hiking up a mountain in the snow in the hope of using their cell phones.

NUDITY REPORT
  • Taimi Sheffield as the leader shows breasts and buns in her shower scene.
  • Rikki Ray as the first victim shows breasts in the opening scene.
  • Charity Rahmer shows breasts and buns in a shower scene
  • Diana Espin shows breasts, buns, and most of her bush in the shower scene, and breasts in the sex scene.
Meanwhile, the escaped mental patient is killing everyone he sees. The kids find a mountain cabin, the adult leader takes a shower, and the kids settle around a fireplace, while one of them tells a "ghost story," which is actually some footage shot for a different film that was so bad they gave up after a few days of shooting. You get the idea. One of the girls, and one of the guys, slip off to have sex, and cheerleaders and guys start getting killed. The murders were essentially bloodless, and mostly off screen, despite the word "Massacre" in the title.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen

  • The DVD has a feature length commentary, and did relate one interesting fact. They learned on the way to location that Diana Espin was a hard core star but hadn't bothered to tell them.

MDB readers have this a 1.1 of 10. A single 10 from a non-US voter greatly raised the score above the minimum of 1, and I am suspicious that that vote was an error. The film not only recycles footage from other films, but recycled the score from Humanoids from the Deep. They were allowed to use the score, but one requirement was that they not credit the composer by his usual name. The film was shot on digital video with nearly nothing but shaky cam, and was full of motion blur.

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • The IMDb listing claims that this film had a $5 million budget. If so, it must have included about $4.9 million worth of lunches and limo rides.

 
The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this film is an F.

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