A Crack in the Floor (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
A Crack in the Floor (2000) is a direct to DVD grade Z horror film. It has plenty of gore, but not much scare value. A small child is told by his
extremely religious mother over his father's fresh grave that they have to avoid people and wait for Jesus to come. Not long after, he witnesses the brutal rape and death of his mother, and is knocked unconscious by her attackers.
Cut to 33 years in the future. A couple of young hikers wander into his cabin. The cabin itself looks abandoned, and he lives beneath it in a secret basement. He observes them through a crack in the floor then kills them. The girl, Madelein Lindley shows her breasts in this scene. We then discover that there are lots of missing hikers, and at least 22 cars at the bottom of a local reservoir. 

NUDITY REPORT
in the main commentary
Meanwhile, 6 friends start off on a hiking trip to guess where? During the preparation for the trip, Justine Priestley shows buns and a nipple slip in a shower scene. In a film full of errors, the biggest is not getting the clothes off of busty Daisy McCracken. The biggest plot hole is that the
kid, who was orphaned at age 9 or so, and killed every person who happened into his cabin, drove all of those cars into the reservoir. 

The film is full of snappy, hip, dialogue. For example, after being scared, one character says, "I think I have pudding in my wares."

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen

  • no features
Yes, this is every bit as bad as it sounds, and the worst news is that, in an homage to Hamlet, they killed everyone (except the murderer), leaving room for a sequel. This may be bad enough to gain cult status someday with bad movie fans. 

There are no reviews on line, and 8 IMDB readers are way too generous at 3.5/10. Part of this high score is due to the IMDB system of skewing votes. 5 of the 8 voters gave it a 1. This film is an F. 

The Critics Vote

  • There are no reviews online.

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 3.5
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is an F.

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