Cutaway (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
For some years now, Scoopy Junior and I have been in search of the worst cast ever assembled. This film isn't the champion, but it may be the worst of the Year 2000. Any film that stars Stephen Baldwin, Dennis Rodman, and Casper Van Dien is OK by me.
I think the plot is supposed to be this. (Spoilers) A customs agent suspects that precision skydivers are being used to deliver drugs in Miami. He is right. It is pretty cool how these guys drop from the heavens, and land right in the backyards of the crime bosses. They're like the Domino's Pizza of crime, except that evil crime bosses are notoriously poor tippers.

NUDITY REPORT
A topless woman is inadvertently exposed when a skydiver accidentally tears down her tent when he makes his landing. Very brief, and anonymous.
The agent infiltrates the skydivers, and becomes obsessed with the sport himself. He becomes one of the best in the world, and even makes a drug delivery himself. He arrests the lead skydiver right after their team wins the nationals - they are still in the air at the time he reads the guy his rights - and the arrested guy cuts his parachute in order to plummet to certain death rather than go to prison. You see, Mr. lead skydiver wasn't really a bad guy. He was only selling the drugs to finance the training for his team.

The agent then quits the force and becomes the new lead skydiver.

Good stuff, eh?

Do you know that, unlikely as it seems, I actually watched every minute of this thing. The plot stinks, the acting is worse than in porn films, and the dialogue is duller than dishwater. But the skydiving scenes are absolutely spectacular, and the actual skydiving must be about 80% of the running time!

VHS info from Amazon.

  • not on DVD
Includes one of the best action scenes ever filmed. Baldwin and his mentor are at a fete atop a 50 story office building in Miami, when the party is busted by the FBI. The two of them just delivered some drugs to the party. They escape by jumping off the roof of the building and using their auxiliary parachutes. They were really close to the ground before they activated those chutes.

The Critics Vote

  • Apollo 62/100.

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 6.2, which is about 5.2 higher than it deserved. Apollo users a more sensible 33/100.
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C. If you like skydiving, you'll like it. If not, it is a complete waste of your time.

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