La Donna Lupo

La Donna Lupo (1999) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

The film opens with a woman performing a sexually-oriented stage act. The highlight of this act involves spirited sexual congress with a large stuffed panda which will, at the very least, need to be cleaned and disinfected thoroughly before it can be returned to its owner. I can't claim to have seen every film with stuffed-panda fuckin', but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is probably THE scene to watch if you are into this particular sexual practice. In fact, I'll go the extra mile and say that I have never seen a better scene with a woman having sex with any kind of stuffed bear, and that includes teddy bears, although to tell the truth I haven't seen many Australian porn films, so I may be missing out on some excellent stuffed koala scenes. I have disqualified those in advance because koalas are not really bears, nor even closely related to bears.

(A very tame capture is pictured to the right. Note: this film is actually in color, but the director apparently felt that audiences could not handle panda-fuckin' in color. Who could blame him? That would be considered hard-core in many countries.)

The film is not called The Panda Fucker, however, but The Man Eater. You can therefore assume that it eventually gets to the point, or at least closer to a point of some kind, and starts to focus on various non-panda activities. A literal translation of the title would actually be closer to "the she-wolf," but the film is marketed to English-speaking channels as The Man Eater because that title has a double meaning in the context of one the star's favorite sexual practices. The star, Loredana Cannata, sets aside her panda long enough to perform a highly beloved form of man-eating on camera in the course of this film, thus earning La Donna Lupo a spot on Wikipedia's list of mainstream movies with unsimulated sex. In addition to this particular activity, Ms. Cannata also pleasures herself on camera by demonstrating her command of Houdini's famous "disappearing finger act," the secret to which I am not allowed to reveal as part of my long-standing agreement to abide by the magician's code, in return for which the magicians agree not to turn me into a newt or make my web site disappear. A small price to pay, if you ask me. Suffice it to say that Ms. Cannata spends the entire film engaging in various activities that are normally performed in public only when there are parties at Charlie Sheen's house. Astoundingly, at least by the more puritanical standards of America, the infinitely open-minded Italian public has subsequently accepted the same Ms. Cannata as a mainstream TV star in her native land.

In between the sex scenes, this is a mainstream and somewhat arty erotic thriller about a mysterious woman with an unquenchable appetite for anonymous sex. A young man picks up a beautiful woman for a one-night stand. He falls for her after a wild night of skinny dipping and hanky-panky, but she is gone in the morning, and the name and phone number she gave him turn out to be false. The young man is so smitten with his dream girl that he tracks her down, only to find out that her entire life consists of nights just like the one she spent with him - except with other men, using other false identities. In general, it is a slow and arty film with no apparent point and a "wha ...?" ending, and is only of interest to those who would like to see Cannata fellate a young man or insert a finger into herself.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Uncle Scoopy Promo: La Donna Lupo DVD (Mainstream Goes Explicit)

For a short time, Rare Licensed DVDs, the American importer for this title, is offering our readers a special opportunity to get a free DVD when ordering the All-Region PAL DVD of La Donna Lupo. You may choose either a Paola Senatore classic, or Tinto Brass's Capriccio. Please check all the product specs to ascertain whether you can play these films on your system. If you have any doubts, write to Rare Licensed DVDs for clarification.

DVD INFO

You can see some sample captures from the film by clicking on the image to the left. (Warning: explicit)
Note: this is an Italian DVD, and there are no English subtitles.

NUDITY REPORT

Loredana Cannata strips, then has sex with a stuffed panda.
She shows all in a dark skinny-dipping scene, then sips on the young man's Slurpee Straw de Amore
She takes a bath, providing another full-frontal shot
She participates in some skinny dipping with cunnilingus.
She strips down to have sex with one guy while another watches.
She masturbates in gyno-cam close-up.
Various other frontal and rear nudity from Cannata.

Male: various penises (including an erect one from Arturo Paglia) and bums.

The Critics Vote ...

No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 5.2/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film would be rated C- if there were a solid DVD with English subtitles. It is of interest to those who are interested in unsimulated sex in mainstream films, but it is not of interest to anyone else.