Dragon Storm

Two sentences tell you most of what you need to know about this film:

1. It is about medieval dudes battling creatures from outer space in 1190 A.D.

2. It was directed by Flounder from Animal House.

Flounder is quite thin now and doesn't really look like a geek any more. He looks pretty much like any other 50 year old guy. But there is a key sign that he still is a geek. He hired Angel Boris to be in this film, and couldn't get her to take her clothes off. How lame is that? It probably reminded him of some of his dates in high school.

The story begins in "Carpathia" in 1190, with meteors arriving from space, bearing some flying, fire-breathing creatures who immediately open a can of whoop-ass on a local kingdom. This "kingdom" actually consists of one run-down former church with about forty people living inside it, so the five dragons didn't get much of a match. The evil "king" and his entourage flee the attack through a secret underground passage, after which they make their way to the next "kingdom" - on foot.

This arduous journey takes them a few minutes

They are welcomed by the neighboring "king", who is a much nicer guy than the evil king, and who at least has a decent castle, and not just a decrepit old church. I guess he blew all his treasury on the castle, however, because his crown seems to consist of one of those paper hats from Burger King, with "burger" crossed out in magic marker.

Based on the size of the kingdoms in this film, it is a safe guess that Europe had about 100,000 members of phoney-baloney royalty in 1190.

Pretty much the same as today.

By the way, John Rhys-Davies plays the evil king. He is a real actor who was Sallah in the Indiana Jones movies, and Gimli in the Lord of the Rings flicks, and shouldn't be desperate enough to be in this film.

The two kings organize a hunting party to go out and do battle with the dragons. The dragonslaying team consists of an alchemist, a huntsman, the evil king's #1 henchman, a weapons inventor, and the tomboy daughter of the good king. There is also a Chinese martial arts specialist who understands gunpowder. There is some possibility that a Chinese man would understand gunpowder in those days, because the Chinese have records of its use dating back even a couple centuries before that time, but I presume this particular Chinese man is a bit lost, wandering through the Carpathian mountains in 1190 A.D., some sixty years before Marco Polo was born.

While the dragonslayers hunt for their prey, the evil king is back in the castle plotting to depose the good king with the help of a corrupt bishop. The evil king's not-quite-as-evil henchman also plans to kill some other members of the dragon-slaying team, although he's not the brightest guy in the world, because he tries to kill off one of the party's most valuable members before they ever kill the friggin' dragons.

The medieval power struggle between the kings and bishops is underwritten grade-z crap, but the battle between the hunting party and the dragons is not bad as grade-b fodder goes. The characters on the hunting party were fairly interesting by genre standards, and I was shocked to see that the actual dragons were not predictably laughable, but were in fact quite scary and realistic.

It isn't a good movie at all, and I can't tell you that adults will get a kick out of it, but it's better than it sounds, and it might amuse your kids for a while if you need a break from them. Angel Boris's lack of nudity means that it's PG-13, and essentially safe for youngsters.

Tuna's comments in yellow:

Dragonstorm (2004) is a made for TV sci-fi. A group of alien dragons invade ancient Carpathia. Meanwhile, an evil king plots to overthrow a neighboring good one. Angel Boris, as the daughter of the good king, is sort of a tomboy, and a crack shot with a crossbow. The dragon-hunting team is more or less led by a poacher, called the huntsman. Naturally, the huntsman and Boris get together.

In one scene, he walks in on Boris while she is undressing for a bath. The film is PG, and her hair was supposed to be taped to prevent exposing a nipple, but one nipple escaped for at least one frame.

The dragons were very well done, the dragon fighting so-so, the political plots were poor, and everything else was terrible. That being said, it is acceptable genre fare, hence a C-.

NUDITY REPORT

See Tuna's notes (in yellow) for details.

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IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 3.9/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a C-. Kiddie genre fare of the PG variety. The special effects are surprisingly good, some characters are interesting, and the plot is not bad. It's not good, but it is WAY better than it sounds, which isn't saying much, I guess.