Exit Wounds (2001) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Scoopy Jr

I  guess I can be a beauty queen now, thanks to this movie.

You see, before this movie came back, if the contest MC had asked me what I wanted most in the world, I wouldn't have been able to say "world peace". Automatic disqualification. 

I would have had to answer "a Steven Seagal comeback". Now that I have what I want, I can concentrate on world peace again. That and grocery store openings. 


there are topless strippers in two scenes - Shannon Jobe and Kym Kristalie
I've often wondered how the runner-up handles the ongoing pressure for the next year after the pageant. I mean she has to be ready to assume the title at a minute's notice. It could be six months after the contest. She's in Egypt walking through the pyramids, when her beeper goes off. For some reason, Miss Daffodil is no longer able to bear the onerous mantle of infinite responsibilities, and they need the runner-up to take over. Not to worry. Air Force One is on its way to pick her up for a Safeway opening in Tupelo. That's your tax dollars at work.

Andrzej Bartkowiak is a good cinematographer, numbering among his credits such competent films as The Devil's Advocate. He's now directed two movies: Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds.

Exit Wounds is basically a compilation of every action movie cliché ever devised, with a few created just for the new Millennium.

African-American dot.com millionaires use their profits to do high-tech surveillance and expose crime in official circles. Big Steve doesn't use computers, but every once in a while the computer boys need to shoot someone or punch someone, and they just don't sound that impressive when they shout "hi-ya" in their squeaky voices while wearing their horn rimmed glasses, so they need some muscle. Enter Big Steve.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • Behind-the-Scenes Documentary The Making of Exit Wounds

  • DMX Ain't No Sunshine Music Video

  • Bonus Hidden Features

  • Widescreen anamorphic format, 2.35:1

Seagal is the usual renegade cop who does things his own way and refuses to play department politics. Blah-blah. 

When the U.S. Vice-President is threatened in Steve's streets, he blows up a few bridges, wrecks a few helicopters, and throws the Veep into a river to save him from terrorists. When the commissioner, having seen every episode of McCloud, chews Steverino out for grandstanding, he says "I saved his life", and lights his matches on the commissioner's belt buckle, and blows some smoke into Hillary Clinton's face. Needless to say, Big Steve is soon busted down to traffic cop, where he is soon in trouble for roughing up some fourth graders who are running a lunch money scam. Thank God that Steve is a tough cookie, and can sometimes handle as many as three fourth graders at once, even if they have their cub scout knives, so he's promoted back to a real job, and the kids can thank him that their cafeteria will always be a little safer. As will, I'm sure, cafeterias everywhere.

The last 30 minutes of the film is just one long chase and shoot-out. I'm not saying it's a bad piece of action, but if a half-hour of auto wrecks, explosions, and gunfire is not your thing, you may want to take a pass on this one. 


Scoopy Jr's thoughts

Actually for a Seagal flick, this was pretty good, one of his best.

The Plot

Who cares! All Seagal movies are the same. He's some kind of "supercop" that hits everything he shoots with the first bullet, he breaks a ton of arms and even more rules, and is not only friendly with, but loved by whatever minority culture is featured in the film.

So what's best in this flick...

The strong supporting cast deserves all of the credit for making this watchable.

  • While hip hop artist/actor, DMX does a little too much "pouting for camera", he's not that bad. With better direction who knows what he could do.
  • Jill Hennessy of "Law and Order" and "Crossing Jordan" was miscast, but turned in a fine performance.
  • Michael Jai White (the guy who played Spawn) was very good. In fact his character was the only one with more than one dimension (although the script limited him to 1.5 dimensions. Maybe 2 with luck) Why isn't he a bigger action star?
  • As Scoop has mentioned, a little Tom Arnold used the right way can be very effective. Such is the case with "Exit Wounds". He played a Morton Downey Jr-esque local TV celeb, and provided very good comic relief. In fact, while the credits role, Arnold and fellow comic reliever, Anthony Anderson do a great improv bit! I laughed out loud several times as they did about 5 minutes of an "interview" from Arnold's character's tv show.

What else is good....

  • The new Seagal. Thankfully...for the first time in several films, Seagal a)cut off his pony tail and b)stopped running around in damned Davey Crockett buckskins!
  • The photography! For director Andrzej Bartkowiak, this was only his second time in the big chair. However, he has very impressive credits with regards to his work as a Cinematographer and Director of Photography! The only downside is that they ended up with a lot of cheap and/or small sets, so his skills were wasted most of the time.
  • The nudity. Fortunately for us, Bartkowiak's photography skills were put to excellent use in the one place that matters the most! The nudity comes from Shannon Jobe and Kym Kristalie. I have no clue which is which, but I kinda like the brunette :-). They play topless dancers who are covering each other with body paint in a well lit and very colorful dance club.
  • The DVD transer is very good.

The Critics Vote

  • Consensus: two stars.  BBC 3/5, Apollo 47/100

  • Rotten Tomatoes summary. 35% positive overall, only 20% from the top critics.

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 5.8. 
  • With their dollars ... it has grossed $50 million as I write this. Cost $33 million to make. Released on a blockbuster-level 2800 screens, so the studio had even greater expectations.
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description,  I will score this a C-. $33 million worth of production values, but still a below-average action pic. If you are a genre addict, it's watchable. I liked the first hour. If you aren't a genre fan, it will seem like nothing but 90 minutes of car chases and gunfire.

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