A Woman, her Men, and Her Futon (1992) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

A Woman, Her Men and Her Futon (1992) features Jennifer Rubin's breasts, which she has dangling in the wind through what seems like half of the 90 minute running time. Were this a soft-core or made for cable, that much exposure would not be unusual, but Jennifer has 38 credits at IMDB, and is not your typical B bimbo. Maltin awards this 2 1/2 stars, saying that it is always interesting, even though the plot falls apart frequently. IMDB readers, who owe nothing to any studio, have it closer to where it belongs at 4.5/10.
 Jennifer's character is a recent divorcee and film school graduate. Her goals are to write a successful screenplay, sleep with anyone who might be able to help her, and sleep with anyone she finds wildly exciting. In a major sub-plot, she has a male friend from film school who is also working on a screenplay, and would love to bed her. She teases, but won't have sex with him. His screenplay is actually biographical. There are enough ideas here to make a film, but the script sort of meanders hither and yon without really grabbing you. The worst part, however, is the dialogue. Hint for screenwriters: If you are writing a script with nudity, it is going to get at least an R rating. That means all of the viewers will be at least 18, and should be able to handle dialogue well above first grade level. The story plays more like a soap opera than anything.


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 The sex scenes are dark, but lighten effortlessly. I suspect that they reduced brightness when they made the prints, rather than applying colored filters. This resulted in very nice images.  If we declare the genre "naked soap opera" than this is a solid C, and possibly the only film in it's genre.

DVD info from Amazon.

no features, no widescreen version

Scoopy's comments:

To me, it just doesn't work at all. 

The acting is about the same caliber as a soft core sex film, but it's too inexplicit to be a good soft core. There aren't many sex scenes, they are dark and the angles are generally unrevealing.

Viewed as a "real" movie, it's just too amateurish to pass muster for a recommendation. Jennifer has great breasts and beautiful blue eyes. Those are about the only strengths of this unbearably slow, seemingly pointless film where all the character speak in cliches. The acting is wooden, and the direction is completely unimaginative as well as choppy.

As a reflection of my points, the writer/director never wrote or directed again. The male "star", Lance Edwards, never had another major role, and only one minor role. The female star has done better, than that, but not well. The last time I saw Jennifer Rubin, she was working in one of those Czech science fiction films (Fatal Conflict), the ones where a talking head on a video screen delivers all the plot exposition.

Skip it.

The Critics Vote

  • Maltin 2.5/4

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 4.5
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, Tuna scores it a C, Scoopy a D.

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