Ghost in a Teeny Bikini  (2006) from Tuna

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini is yet another direct-to-video quickie from Fred Olen Ray. But with a twist.

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen, perfectly cast) is a soft core actress who's living with her director, Alexandre Boisvert, when she is notified that her uncle has passed, and so must go to Ravenswood for the reading of the will. When they arrive, they are greeted by a butler, and this was the point where I fell in love with the film. They asked him how he ended up working in a place like Ravenswood, and he broke into song.

This song:

I was killin' the day, up at Mandalee Bay,

Cruisin' along in my Chevrolet,

Pushin' on the pedal, and scoping every chick in sight...

Then I saw a sight that chilled my blood,

There was black smoke pourin' out from under my hood,

So I parked, up by the graveyard, there on the right.

And there was ghouls there a jumpin', and vampires a humpin',

And bats flyin' up in the air.

There was a girl with tits jus as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair

And the ghost wagged her finger, and she said "You shouldn't linger

In a place that'll do you no good!"

So I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.

And there was ghouls there a jumpin', and vampires a humpin',

And bats flyin' up in the air.

There was a girl with tits just as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair

And the ghost wagged her finger, and she said "You shouldn't linger

In a place that'll do you no good!"

So I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.

Best of all, when Evan Stone does the song, both Christine Nguyen and Alexandre Boisvert react the same way we might, if we asked a question and someone started singing the answer.

Stop right here.

If you think the idea of a soft core musical is stupid, or read the above lyrics with a frown, you won't want to see this ever. If, like me, you find the above hilarious, you might also be a potential cult follower of this film. The entire film is in the same spirit as the above song, one of three in the film. Nobody in the film takes anything seriously.

The acting is no better than usual in one of these efforts, the plot is not in any way original, and we have seen every bit of all of these women before, but every once in a while, the stars align perfectly, and a cult classic is born.  I knew if I watched enough of these, I would eventually hit one that made it all worthwhile. This is the one.

 

DVD INFO

  • no widescreen
  • there is a brief "behind the scenes" featurette

 

NUDITY REPORT

Plenty. It's a soft-core nudie film! Exposure is provided by Christine Nguyen, Nicole Sheridan, Rebecca Love, Michelle Lay, and Syren

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online

 

The People Vote ...

  • IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 3.0/10. (Meaningless - 9 votes)
The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

  • A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
  • B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
  • C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
  • C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
  • C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
  • D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
  • E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
  • F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

 

Based on this description, this film is a high C+, whether you call it cult classic, soft core, or sexy comedy.

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