Golfballs! (1999) from Tuna

Golfballs! is a blatant rip-off of Caddy Shack, combined with the main plot element of The Bikini Car Wash Company, and all of this with boobs in place of comedy talent. They even did a variation of the "be the ball" shtick.

The Pennytree Country Club is near failure. Run by an old duffer and his grand daughter, they are being squeezed out of business by the Bentwood Country Club and its unscrupulous owner, who wants the land to build condos. When a rich man shows up to play at Pennytree, tips heavily, then dies of a heart attack, only because the attractive granddaughter caddies for him, she suddenly knows how to save the club.

She and her boyfriend, the faithful employee, recruit every sexy woman in town to work at the club. One of their more popular innovations is the topless cart wash. There is also topless massage, and all the caddies are sexy, and paired with the opposite sex. When this works, the owner of Pennytree finally coerces them into a round of golf, winner takes all.

Ok, I have proven that there is nothing new in the story, except breasts.

There are a lot of breasts, in addition to the 8 or so topless women I was not able to identify, we have Amy Lynn Baxter and Jennifer Steele, whose other titles include Ass Clowns 3, Anal Addicts 6, Cock Smokers 14 and my personal favorite, Strap-on Sally 13: Marilyn's Toy Box, as well as a few titles that look like normal films.


see the main commentary to the left

IMDb has an excellent plot summary for this one:

"Conspiracy. Power. Sex. Golf? Ah, the Pennytree Golf Club. 18 holes at its finest. If you played there in the late-70's. Now run-down and nearly deserted, only a few faithful duffers keep club owner Josh Pennytree and his drop-dead-gorgeous granddaughter Liberty in business. All the other customers fled to the Bentwood Country Club nearby; awesome to behold, even if it's run by sleazy, stuck-up land baron Simon Roosevelt. Stealing the former Pennytree crowd isn't enough for Simon; he's scheming to take over the Pennytree property for a lucrative condo complex. Liberty gets wise to Simon's scam - and gets fightin' mad. Though Liberty can't compete with deep pockets, she CAN compete with a new staff of gorgeous babes and bold hunks! Scouting the dance and strip clubs and finding the hottest bodies on the beach, Liberty gives Pennytree a new start. New services, guaranteed to do absolutely nothing for your handicap but leave you wanting more. Hot uniforms, massages, and the legendary cart wash, even though golf carts don't REALLY get that dirty (wink, wink!)...not that there's anything wrong with that! Busloads of new customers suddenly appear, and the money's rolling in. Even Simon's spies are giving in to their wildest desires at Pennytree. Trouble's still ahead, as misunderstandings arise between Liberty and her boyfriend, handsome co-worker Neil Walker. Simon finally raises the ante with a winner-take-all challenge: one round of golf. Bentwood's best vs Pennytree's best. Winner gets the loser's property. It's up to legendary golf pro Dwayne Rider to save the day for Pennytree... if he can still hold a club after a hearty breakfast of bourbon...hold the eggs. Bentwood's star player - Steve Shank, inclined to play dirty and a weakness for beautiful women. Who will get the stroke... and who will get the shaft? Golf will never be the same!"

Summary written by

DVD info from Amazon

  • The 4/3 transfer is rather nice, and the bountiful nudity is all well lit. It is available both on Region One and Two DVD.

  • The DVD includes behind the scenes footage, as well as additional topless cart wash material.

I suppose it is just a coincidence that the film was directed by a certain Steve Procko.

I really wanted to like this one, but they needed a little more effort on the comedic elements to make it watchable. It does deliver gratuitous nudity, which is the only real plus.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a D+, great breasts, but a near miss as a Caddy Shack spoof.

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