Guns (1990) from Tuna and Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Guns (1990) once again shows that Andi Sidaris is a master at taking women whose biggest achievement is being seen in a magazine with a staple through their naval, and teaching them to say "Let's hit the hot tub" convincingly.

His films are populated by beautiful people, and I have never found myself cringing at dialogue delivery. This is a typical Sidaris plot, with so many characters and so much going on, it is hard to follow, but, as Joe Bob says in the DVD special features, "11 breasts, a helicopter explosion, three chase scenes, who needs a plot?" A South American revolutionary wants to purchase Chinese automatic weapons, and needs to refuel the aircraft in Hawaii. Dona Speir's father was killed by him, and he kind of wants to attack her, and lure all of the agents away from Hawaii at the same time. He hires two hit men, and assigns them to whack Roberta Vasquez. They end up shooting the wrong woman, but the plan otherwise succeeds, as the whole crowd heads to Las Vegas to catch the killer. Once in Vegas, it seems most of the agents have hidden agendas. Both good guys and bad guys drop like flies.

NUDITY REPORT
  • Devin DeVasquez breasts and buns in the movie.
  • Devasquez: total nudity in the special features
  • Breasts from Donna Spangler
  • Breasts and bush from Kym Malin
  • A breast from Roberta Vasquez, in a very hot sex scene on a motorcycle in the desert
  • Breasts and buns from Donna Speir after "hitting the shower
  • Breasts from Cynthia Brimhall as a singer/agent
  • As a bonus, Julie Strain shows her big guns chatting with Sidaris in the intro.
Oh, and Eric Estrada plays the heavy in his first bad guy role, and has his first screen sex scene with girlfriend Devin DeVasquez.

Devin was still a little shy, despite her stint as Heffer of the month, and only showed buns and boobs. However, she has since learned to be less shy, and they included an excerpt from her video in the special features, where you can count her pubic hair (on your fingers, without needing your toes), and get several front and rear views of her genitalia.
IMDB readers score all of these films low, and this one is no exception at 2.8 of 10. For me, it was another solid bullets, bombs, babes Sidaris film. I will be buying the entire set as they are released, which will give you some idea how I feel about this mindless entertainment.  
Scoop's notes:

Andy is in some exclusive territory. Ed Wood only has six films rated below 3.7 at IMDb, John Derek has a mere four. Andy has nine. To give the list some contemporary perspective, Pauly Shore has only appeared in two films rated below 3.7.

IMDb ratings, Andy Sidaris
  1. (4.77) - Seven (1979)
  2. (3.63) - Malibu Express (1985)
  3. (3.57) - Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
  4. (3.32) - Do or Die (1991)
  5. (3.23) - Picasso Trigger (1988)
  6. (3.17) - Day of the Warrior (1996)
  7. (3.17) - Return to Savage Beach (1998)
  8. (3.11) - Guns (1990)
  9. (3.07) - Hard Hunted (1992)
  10. (2.98) - Fit to Kill (1993)
IMDb ratings, Ed Wood
  1. (4.25) - Necromania (1971)
  2. (3.50) - Jail Bait (1954)
  3. (3.32) - Glen or Glenda (1953)
  4. (3.31) - Sinister Urge, The (1961)
  5. (3.30) - Plan 9 from Outer Space (1958)
  6. (3.18) - Night of the Ghouls (1959)
  7. (3.06) - Bride of the Monster (1956)
IMDb ratings, John Derek
  1. (3.58) - Once Before I Die (1965)
  2. (2.96) - Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
  3. (2.67) - Bolero (1984)
  4. (2.62) - Ghosts Can't Do It (1990)

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

 

The People Vote ...

  • IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 2.8/10, approaching the bottom 100 of all time.
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Return to the Movie House home page