Guns & Lipstick (1995) from Tuna
This film, aka No Goodbyes, has never been released
anywhere, as near as I can tell. There is a trailer on the DVD, but it
is a direct to vid.
| It is a PI/cop/crime
thriller starring Sally Kirkland as the PI. She is a former cop, down
on her luck with very little business, one loyal friend still on the
force, hated by the new police chief, and with a bar owner for a
friend. To complete the cliche, the bar is her hangout. Life is
looking up when a stripper hires her to protect her from someone she
claims wants to kill her. Kirkland is asked to stake out the inside of
the strip club. Unfortunately, on the first night, someone else kills
her client, and the cops blame her.
Kirkland has a nipple slip, one of the strippers
(Tanya Munoz) has a lengthy scene being questioned by Kirkland
where she shows breasts and buns, and several strippers in the
club also show breasts and buns.
| I am not even going to try and explain the plot, because it would take
90 minutes. The thing that first struck me about this film was the
number of cliches it included, including corrupt LAPD cops, a Chinese
Mafia boss, a gentle Kung Fu expert with a body builder physique,
kidnapping, gunfights, Australian bad guys, and even a chase scene on
horseback. The film's crowning achievement occurred during this chase
scene. Kirkland jumps off her horse. One of those chasing her, at full
gallop, says, "Her horse is riding light. She must have jumped off."
In addition to all of the familiar plot elements, there were some
fascinating minor characters. My personal favorite was the women who
ran a safe haven for friends of the Chinese Mafia boss. She kept them
in line with a wicked looking sawed off shotgun, when she wasn't too
busy feeding bread to her imaginary chickens.
So was it terrible and derivative? Derivative definitely, but I
watched it to the end without fast forward, was engaged in the plot,
was far too busy keeping up to look for plot holes, and cared about
some of the characters at the end. So, in the final analysis, I was
entertained. That is about all I ask of a thriller.
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this description, this
film is a C.
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