Heartbreak High is a raunchy teen comedy from Canada with a cast
including Dean Wormer (John Vernon), Norman Fell and Robert Forster. Had it come
five to ten years later, it
could have been described as a fast-buck attempt to cash in on the teen genre,
which had by then become the industry's ATM. But
this predated Porky's (also a Canadian film), 16 Candles, Risky Business, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Breakfast Club, etc. and
hence should have had uniqueness going for it and should now be considered a
pioneer.
In this less than perfect world, however, it is a monumental piece of dung.
Two rival schools in a town are
working up to the big football game for the league championship and the coveted
Hick Cup. Naturally, this involves coaches with odd habits, horny football
players, and the girls that love them. One of the coaches (Dean Wormer) has been wearing his
lucky longjohns for 30 years in preparation for the big game. The other (Robert
Forster) has football-themed sex
with the school music teacher, and once played for his rival coach. Predictably, the big game came down to the wire.
The genre would dictate practical jokes and harassment leading up to game
day, but the best these folks could do was a player jumping from the counter of
a diner and sitting on a cream pie, spraying it all over students from the other
school, or one quarterback organizing a strip poker game to embarrass the other
team's quarterback.
Not only the film very badly written and acted, but it also looks bad, the
jokes don't work, and there is nowhere near enough skin for a raunchy teen
comedy. The girls' locker room scene doesn't even have breast exposure!
If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to
read the
explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by
our definition, a
C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs
and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:
E/F
The poor digital transfer is simply
another reason the film is unwatchable, and drops the "as is"
grade from E to F. It might be an E if remastered from a
pristine print.
