Heaven's Tears (1994) from Tuna and Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Scoopy's comments in yellow:

I guess the rebellion of youth has haunted every generation since the dawn of man.

Take the father in this family. He did everything a Nazi dad could do for his kids. He remembers when little Peter took his first goosestep. How full of promise was the world then, how bright the sun. Little Peter could look forward to an important role in the thousand year Reich, a lifetime of medical experiments, genocide, and all the other things that make life special for a party member. But the little acorn grew up far from the tree. Little Peter was different. When the other kids were torturing cats, he was petting them. He was always treating the servants with kindness and respect instead of torturing and sodomizing them. Then, as he grew older, he liked pansies better than panzers, jackdaws better than jackboots, and he was always doing something weak, like reading English books, supporting Jewish merchants instead of shopping at Nazis-R-Us, and worst of all falling in love with a Jewish girl while refusing to fuck his perfectly serviceable Nazi sister.

Not to mention the fact that he's a 45 year old man who just graduated from college!

Oh, what's a dad to do? You try to raise these kids right .... 

This is yet another of those zero budget Czech films, produced and directed by Lloyd Simandl, distributed by North American Releasing,  made in English with a few English-speaking actors but all minor and extra roles filled by Czechs. The other ones I've seen have been Sci-Fi films. This one has the most serious aspirations. It's kind of an erotically-charged grade-b art film wannabe.

The part played by Stephen Nichols (formerly that eyepatch dude from the soap opera) was obviously written for a man in his early to mid twenties, but Nichols was much, much older when he made the movie - possibly older than the guy who played his dad. I haven't seen him in a couple years now. Perhaps he's in an old folks' home.

Tuna's comments in white

Heaven's Tears (1994) is now a Blockbuster exclusive, and is only available for rent. Too bad. While the dialogue is a little stiff and pretentious at times, and the leading man is too old for the leading woman, the film has a lot going for it, including a beautiful filming location (Prague), a lovely and frequently naked star (Lisha Snelgrove), and a morality play about the evils of Nazi racism.


Most of the film is spent with Lisha naked. We see an upskirt as she tumbles off of her bicycle, then her breasts that night as she masturbates thinking of Peter. There are two lovemaking scenes between Peter and Lisha, and some nude bath scenes of Lisha late in the film when she is in hiding.
Peter Steiner (Stephan Nichols) returns from England to Germany during Hitler's ascendancy. He has been attending a military post-graduate school, and his father, a Nazi official, is intent on him becoming a German officer. As he is riding home from the station, the car frightens a young woman (Lisha) into falling off her bike. Even though the chauffeur warns that she is Jewish, and they should just ignore her, Peter stops to help, and falls instantly in love.

no DVD currently available from Amazon, but one has been published

He gets home to find a father that is stuffier than ever, and less tolerant, and a little sister that he used to play doctor with as a child, but who now wants to play the adult version. The sister swears revenge when his brother prefers a Jewess to incest. Peter accepts the commission he is offered in the German military, with plans of helping Lisha's parents escape, then coming back for her.

This is not French, so there is a happy surprise ending.

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews

The People Vote ...

IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, I am not sure what genre to include this in, so am not sure what grade to give it. It has something of the feel of an early seventies softcore, but also has a serious side to the plot. 

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