Hollywood Vice Squad (1986) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|Every time you are tempted to moan about the exaggerated "realism" (read "gratuitous violence") of the new wave of Tarantino-inspired gorefests, you should see a movie like this to remind you how much better the Tarantines are than what we had 20 years ago.|
|This is a cops and robbers movie where the
cops refer to the bad guys as "those darned
guys", and the bad guys are almost as refined! The
bad guys do use the famous Carlin "words forbidden
to television", but they don't use the normal terms
you'd hear from uneducated hoodlums. The head white pimp
refers to his rival as "that motherfucking black
fellow". Yeah, right.
This makes Starsky and Hutch seem like a Peckinpah movie, and makes Huggy Bear seem as dark and threatening as Charles Manson.
|In addition, the entire movie is filled
with Catskills schtick, which is grotesquely
inappropriate in a movie about a a mother's search for a
young girl from Ohio who is trapped in the Hollywood
underbelly of heroin and prostitutes. Those darned
prostitutes, as the cops would say! It's like the kind of
hookers and pimps that Toody and Muldoon might encounter
on the TV series version of Car 54. ("Oooh,
The cavalier humor is mixed right in with the high drama
"Oh, officer O'Leary is dead? Well, more donuts for all"
"I'm sorry, Mrs Taft, I have to tell you the bad news that your daughter is a prostitute. But the good news is, she's a really good one. Man, can that girl swallow the salami!"
OK, maybe not that cavalier, but pretty close.
I'm glad I saw this, because if you had told me yesterday that movies were this gutless fifteen years ago, I would have sworn you were wrong, and now I've learned my lesson. Tarantino's masturbatory fantasies may be bullshit, but they are certainly closer to reality than this pablum.
|You do have to love a
cast that includes Joey Travolta, Robin Wright, The
Riddler, Leon Isaac Kennedy, Princess Leia, and most of
the guys who did voices for the gang on Topcat.
In addition to the sanitized language, it also contained no nudity at all. Remember it's a movie about a kid who descends into the Hollywood world of pornography, prostitution, and heroin. Quite surprisingly, she did this without removing her clothes or using any naughty words.
Oh, that darned smack!
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