The Hot Dog Girls (1994) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

I've always said that when you reach the doldrums, you have to start rowing. Whatever that means. I don't know why I've always said that. Come to think of it, people have always given me strange looks and excused themselves right after I said it. Oh, well, the point is that sometimes you just have to recharge your batteries, and the best way to do that is to return to the screen classics. So I moseyed down to Blockbuster, hoping to watch some of the best soliloquies from Henry V. Someone had rented both versions of Henry, but while I was in the H's, I figured I should do the equally esteemed "The Hot Dog Girls". (Or to be politically correct, "the sausage-oriented individuals")
Neither Olivier nor Branagh appeared in this movie, but there were plenty of naked chicks. It's like one of those videos from the Bunnymag, with the major difference being that we have permission to use it. 


It's a nudie film, featuring Tonya Qualls, Mason Marconi, and others.

A quick analysis of the most important criteria for movie evaluation shows me that this might be the greatest movie ever made, as good as two Henry V's added together (I guess that would mean Henry X, if my math is right). Here's how it stacks up against some four-star favorites.

  Hot Dog Girls Henry V, Branagh version Henry V, Olivier version Mansfield Park The Sweet Hereafter
naked chicks playing frisbee yes no no no no
easy to understand without Cliff's Notes yes no no no sometimes
naked chicks playing pool yes no no no no
stirring speeches no yes yes no no
musing on the futility and glory of war no yes yes no no
naked chicks in the pool yes no no no no
analysis of English mores no yes yes yes no
naked chicks on the beach yes no no no no
socio-political commentary no yes yes yes yes
naked chicks doing calisthenics yes no no no no
smutty hot dog symbolism yes no no, but* no no
naked chicks showering together yes no no no no
additional naked chicks yes no no yes yes
TOTOTAL SCORE 9 4 4.5 3 2.5

* uses bows and arrows for the same purpose, so we counted it as half credit


You can order it here

They call it a "bikini video", but it's a nudie, no question about it.

Actually, it's pretty entertaining in its genre, whatever that might be called. 


Just pretty girls running around naked in various situations: strip swimming, strip billiards, strip frisbee, strip weatherproofing, strip mining, the whole gamut of naked human activity. They are almost always naked, and they are sexy girls. The most famous one is Mason Marconi, former Penthouse babe with a shapely butt. 

The Critics Vote

  • No reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • Not listed in IMDb 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description,  I will score this a C-. It's an OK nudie film, worthwhile if you like those.

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