The Hot Dog Girls

I've always said that when you reach the doldrums, you have to start rowing. Whatever that means. I don't know why I've always said that. Come to think of it, people have always given me strange looks and excused themselves right after I said it. Oh, well, the point is that sometimes you just have to recharge your batteries, and the best way to do that is to return to the screen classics. So I moseyed down to Blockbuster, hoping to watch some of the best soliloquies from Henry V. Someone had rented both versions of Henry, but while I was in the H's, I figured I should do the equally esteemed "The Hot Dog Girls". (Or to be politically correct, "the sausage-oriented individuals")

A quick analysis of the most important criteria for movie evaluation shows me that this might be the greatest movie ever made, as good as two Henry V's added together (I guess that would mean Henry X, if my math is right). Here's how it stacks up against some four-star favorites.

	Hot Dog Girls	Henry V, Branagh version	Henry V, Olivier version	Mansfield Park	The Sweet Hereafter
naked chicks playing frisbee	yes	no	no	no	no
easy to understand without Cliff's Notes	yes	no	no	no	sometimes
naked chicks playing pool	yes	no	no	no	no
stirring speeches	no	yes	yes	no	no
musing on the futility and glory of war	no	yes	yes	no	no
naked chicks in the pool	yes	no	no	no	no
analysis of English mores	no	yes	yes	yes	no
naked chicks on the beach	yes	no	no	no	no
socio-political commentary	no	yes	yes	yes	yes
naked chicks doing calisthenics	yes	no	no	no	no
smutty hot dog symbolism	yes	no	no, but*	no	no
naked chicks showering together	yes	no	no	no	no
additional naked chicks	yes	no	no	yes	yes
TOTOTAL SCORE	9	4	4.5	3	2.5

* uses bows and arrows for the same purpose, so we counted it as half credit

You can order it here.

They call it a "bikini video", but it's a nudie, no question about it.

Actually, it's pretty entertaining in its genre, whatever that might be called.

Nudie-cutie?

Just pretty girls running around naked in various situations: strip swimming, strip billiards, strip frisbee, strip weatherproofing, strip mining, the whole gamut of naked human activity. They are almost always naked, and they are sexy girls. The most famous one is Mason Marconi, former Penthouse babe with a shapely butt.

The Critics Vote

No reviews online

The People Vote ...

Not listed in IMDb

IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, I will score this a C-. It's an OK nudie film, worthwhile if you like those.