Ivory Tower (1999) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Even those of you who don't belive in God probably do believe in a natural order of the universe. The two rocks dropped from the Tower of Pisa will hit the ground together, hippos don't fly, and Julia Roberts will be the only one in her family to take one of those best actor statuettes.

It is the consistency of the universe that is the basis for all human learning, and all human survival. We are here now because our ancestors managed to figure out to adopt puppies and avoid sharks, rather than the other way around.

But modern scientists have been grappling with the issue of chaos, beginning with the ability of man to recognize unpredictable elements in the universe, and to manage them. For example, a drop of water on the exact gravitational top of a perfect sphere - which way will it travel? We don't know, but recognizing our inability to predict this improves our ability to learn and survive. We may even be able to use the very unpredictability of certain things, like sub-atomic particles, as part of our advancement as a species.


Kari Wuhrer had some bath and sex scenes, but only exposed her buns very briefly and subtly. No breasts, nothing more daring.
The problem arises when we fail to distinguish the predictable and the chaotic, and so it was with me and this movie. I knew it would be bad. But I also knew it had Kari Wuhrer in it, so I didn't think I needed any chaos theory to determine that she would be naked. Grade b movie, r rating, starring Kari Wuhrer - you know she's going to be naked, and you hope other women will be as well.

Lo, and behold, I turn my back for five minutes and the natural laws of the universe are repealed. Rivers run up hill, dogs can outrun light, yuppies hate Starbucks, and Kari Wuhrer kept her clothes on for the entire movie.

Well, almost.

Only one question - if you have a female role that requires no nudity, how did Kari come up to the top of your casting list?

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen version, no features

Dreadful movie. Lower quality than a made-for-network-TV flick, trying to cash in on interest about the microchip industry and industrial espionage.

Michael Ironside plays a new V.P. hired to manage a loose high-tech organization to greater efficiency. His Draconian ways cause dissension and intrigue and that kinda discordant shit. Or maybe the new guy is even more than he seems to be. Is he working for the competition, or ........

There is a surprise ending. It may fool you, but if it does please call me because I have some property I'd like you to take a look at. Actually, you may be surprised, but you surely won't care.

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 7.0, based on eight votes. Will eventually level out in the threes or fours
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is an E. The film is in focus, and the story is told in chronological order, thereby rescuing it from an F.

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