Jason X (Friday the Thirteenth, Part X) (2001) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

As I was watching this film, Elya walked by and asked me about something that was happening on the screen.

I'm afraid I was a bit rude to her, because I was offended that she thought I would actually be paying attention.

I've done some things in my life I regret, some stupid things. I guess we all have. But I'm proud to say that one thing I have never done at any time is to pay attention to a Jason movie.

I can't review this because I don't have any idea what it was about. Oh, I watched the entire thing. I never even touched the fast forward button. After five minutes, my mind was wandering to my list of things to do, phone calls I should make. A few minutes later, I was going through some magazines while ol' Jason was in the background.


Two virtual 1980's teenagers show their breasts (Kate Penaflor and Tania Maro)

Lisa Ryder, as an android, seems to be topless until we see her nipples fall off and realize it is a prosthetic chest.

I know that the story takes place in 2455. Jason is defrosted from some cryogenic thing, along with someone else from the 21st century (Lexa Doig). Jason kills a bunch of outer space teenagers who are trying to have sex instead of doing their official spaceshipy duties. A bunch of people feel that the best way to catch Jason is to split up and walk through dark places alone, as per the genre convention. Eventually they throw Jason in the holodeck and he's back in the 1980's at Crystal Lake. I think that they finally shot him into deep space or something at the end.

I guess you've figured out by now that Jason X is not a white guy who has converted to the Nation of Islam, but the tenth avatar of that kid from the bottom of the lake at summer camp. He's been regenerated into Uber-Jason by some 25th century technology, and has a spiffy new costume and bulging muscles, so he now looks like a Marvel Comics villain instead of his old self.

I don't think I can improve on Roger Ebert's review. Here's how he started it.

This sucks on so many levels.
--Dialogue from "Jason X"

Rare for a movie to so frankly describe itself. "Jason X" sucks on the levels of storytelling, character development, suspense, special effects, originality, punctuation, neatness and aptness of thought.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • Commentary by director Jim Isaac, Writer Todd Farmer, and Producer Noel Cunningham  

  • Theatrical trailer(s)  

  • Original documentary: The Many Lives of Jason Voorhees 

  • Original documentary: By Any Means Necessary: The Making of Jason X  

  • Jump to a Death Feature  

  • Widescreen anamorphic format

Or, as Alien might have put it - "in space, no one can hear you suck".

The special effects in this film are so poor that the F/X guys are jealous of those Marionation shows from the 60's, like Fireball XL-5 and Supercar.

Dr. Who and Dark Shadows look like Lord of the Rings compared to this movie.

The only thing redeeming the film, and that only slightly, was a jokey, self-deprecating awareness of its own suckitute. And that just wasn't enough.

The Critics Vote

  • General consensus: one star, or less. Ebert .5/4, Berardinelli 1/4,


The People Vote ...

  • with their dollars: regrettably, this thing will eventually turn a profit, thus encouraging more. The budget was about $14 million, and it grossed $13 million, plus some more overseas. Once it picks up home video sales and rentals, as well as other ancillary profits, the investors will get their money back. Sigh.
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, D. Even in the unlikely event you like Jason movies, it's hard for me to believe you'd like this one.

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