Killer Barbys (1999) from Tuna
Killer Barbys (1996) is a Jess Franco horror film written around the punk group of the same name, and is said to be his goriest ever. Other than a bunch of obviously fake body parts, a few throat slashings, and the ending scene where the countess stabs her lover then frolics in his blood, I found the gore level rather tame compared to Italian shock horror films. The Killer Barbys, on their way to a gig in their van, have a breakdown. They are invited to spend the night in the castle of Countess Fledernaus (Mariangela Giordano). They don't realize that when the hundred and fifty year old countess invites them to dinner, they are intended as the main course. Seems the countess has discovered the secret to eternal youth, which is drinking the warm blood of young people.
Her butler has two creepy dwarf kids who help him gather and slaughter food for the countess, including a naked Angie Barea, who plays an over-sexed band member. Giordano shows breasts and buns in a long, but darkly lit sex scene with another band member. IMDB readers give it 3.4 of 10, and I have to agree. The entire film is dark and grainy, the plot is weak at best, and it is not my type of music. I do have to say that I enjoyed the enthusiasm of The Killer Barbys' leader, Silvia Superstar.

NUDITY REPORT
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Scoop's comments in yellow:

Marshall McLuhan was one of my professors in college, and he was fond of this French-Canadian joke:

A mouse approaches a corner and hears some sctratching around teh corner, so he stops and listens. He hears "woof, woof", so approaches jauntily, knowing there could be not cats with a dog present. When he turns the corner he is snatched up by a cat who says, "See, it pays to be bilingual"

OK, it sucks as a joke, and I don't recommend telling it down at the American Legion hall, but it imparted wisdom that would have saved the protagonists in this movie. Oh, sure, they didn't worry about a Countess who has a distinguished German name like Fledermaus. But what if they understood German, and knew that a Fledermaus is a bat? Think they would still have stayed?

McLuhan was right. It pays to be bilingual

The Critics Vote

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The People Vote ...

 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a D+.

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