Lake Dead

 (2007)

by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Lake Dead is yet another entry into the overcrowded "city kids go camping and run into murderous inbred rednecks" genre.

The Lake sisters find out that they have inherited a rural motel from a grandfather they never knew they had. The existence of this secret causes a significant tiff with their estranged father, who is remarkably close-mouthed about his reasons for hiding the family from the girls. Despite their father's ominous warnings, they are determined to see their new property, so they grab some friends, hop in a Winnebago, and head for hillbilly land.

Poor move.

Of course, dad might have been just a bit more explicit about why the girls should avoid their family. He might have mentioned, for example, that their family tree doesn't have any branches, and that the resultant inbreeding has produced a brood of cretinous psychopaths. He might also have touched upon the fact that the other relatives willfully continue the inbreeding to this day. That last one might have been especially important to mention, since the three fresh young, nubile sisters are immediately seen as potential breeding machines for their country cousins.

Well, to make a long story short, the rest of the family plans to mate with the sisters after having killed all their friends. I suppose that's about all you really need to know. There's the usual axe-wielding, dentally-challenged mutants, and the usual torture implements, yadda, yadda  ... There's also a local sheriff who pretends to be sympathetic, but in reality is their father's brother and has every intention of humping the living daylights out of his nieces - just as he does with his mom, the girls' grandma, whose existence offers the girls yet another surprise. Ol' Uncle Chuck kinda gives a new and far more literal meaning to the term "motherfucker."

"Now THAT's how you fuck family."

Dad, when he comes to the rescue and kills Uncle Chuck

Move along. Nothing to see here. It's the same-old same-old, except written, directed and performed at a level beneath even the genre's minimal standard. The gore is not particularly imaginative, and the T&A is restricted to one peripheral character, despite several other opportunities within the script. The director and writer are both first-timers, and many of the performers also seem to be inexperienced and unprofessional, so the film just plods along painfully in routine ways to its predictable conclusion.

DVD INFO

* widescreen anamorphic

* features not announced.

 

 

 

 

 

THE CRITICS AND ACADEMIES

THE PEOPLE

   
5.8 IMDB summary (of 10)
  That's overrated by at least a point.

THE BOX OFFICE

Box Office Mojo. It made a theatrical run as part of the After Dark Horrorfest 2, in which this and seven other films appeared in about 300 theaters and grossed about $800,000.

NUDITY REPORT

  • Malea Richardson shows her breasts and brief glimpses of more in an outdoor sex scene.

Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:

D