The Passion Network (aka A Passion, 2001) from Brainscan

And the cops don't believe there is such a group.

Hey, it's called the Republican Party, nimrods.

So, okay, this is another sort of organization, one in which members of a network... The Passion Network... can order up some sex any time of the day or night. The redhead and her erstwhile boyfriend were forced into it, as those who would be called up when the urge struck one member, or sometimes two.

And now he's dead.

The tale unfolds as Janna, the redhead, played by Stephanie Beaton, says some stuff to the skeptical cops, punctuated by some phrase such as, "This you'll never believe" and off we go to a filmed version of the incredible occurence. The only thing incredible about most of her stories, however, is that the guys leave their pants on while humping away. And we're not talkin' about no briefs that might permit lil' Willy out to play, no siree. We're talkin' about some of Levi Strauss' finest garb... denim y'all. Guys. Wearing them. While they are supposed to be boffing some chick. No wonder the cops don't believe her.

It ends up that her boyfriend is still alive.. for a while longer.. and that leads to an ending so shamelessly ridiculous, so inane... no make that asinine... as to destroy what little good will the movie had built up to that point. Slid this puppy right off the Movie House C range and into the D-- bin. Honest to goodness, they'd have been better off just letting the penultimate scene fade to black, leaving us with the vague impression the writer-director was a complete fuck-up, rather than spelling out an ending that removed all the doubt. Paul S. Parco, writer and director of this wretched mess, you suck. Even in a genre where all writers and directors sorta suck anyway, you stand out for just how long and how hard you suck with this ending.

Lots of babes give up major goodies. for while the guys hump with genitals covered, the babes do not.

• Devin Devasquez, Heffer of the month for June 1985, plays an heiress who hires the boyfriend for a romp in bed and in the bath. Boobs, a little bush. Devin and her hired guy are joined by the major babe of this movie. Her name is Nichole McAuley. Despite the robohooters and the blonde hair this woman is a serious hottie. So I looked her up on IMDb. Lots of movies, some of them major productions, but she is most often listed as "uncredited." I figured a serious fan must have following her career and wrote it all down, which I could understand fully. But then I read her mini-bio and saw a sentence saying, "Nichole wants to thank her parents for supporting her career." Sheesh, the woman wrote this stuff herself.
• What she left out of her autofilmgraphy is that Nicole McAuley is the model for an online explicit comic called Dakota Drake. 'Tis a pay site so I don't know how explicit it might be but the few pics I have seen on the web suggest that Nichole gets nekkid a lot online. In this movie, too. All body parts.

Other women are named and uncovered (an orgy scene and a three-way girl-girl scene fill up some more time and space with anonymous babes).

• Jane Smith has a well-lighted sport-humpin scene. Jane is not exactly drop-dead gorgeous and she has more than a bit of a paunch on her waistline, but her upper goodies are a product of natural development. Impressive. BTW, The Gimp informs me that Jane is a former adult film star who used the name, Tina Tyler whilst doing the nasty for real.
• Stephanie Beaton has, I don't know four, maybe five, sport-humping scenes. And I just wanted them to stop. I grabbed only the most attractive frames and then put together only the best of those to make four collages. Otherwise, Stephanie's chunky, silicon-enhanced frame is, to put things politely, not my cup of tea.
• Tracy Turner plays a siliconized employee of the Passion Network. She boffs one guy in a men's room and another guy in a bedroom. Triple B performance with a close-up of a clean-shaven nether region.
• One other, unidentified woman.

That's it, then. Lots of nekkid women, not all of them worth looking at, in a story that defines the word, "sucks" for this genre. Gotta tell ya, I spent way too much time on this for what I got out of it.