Picasso Trigger (1988) from Tuna

Picasso Trigger (1988) is the second of the 12 Andy Sidaris films due to be released on DVD. For those that don't remember, the Sidaris formula is bombs, bullets and blondes (or is that breasts?), with lots of exposure, pretty locations, mainly bunny girls, and lots of clever toys. The plot is never the focus, but the plot here is more muddled than usual. A Double agent is apparently assassinated, and US government agents are the target of a hot squad.

Based on the first two, I look forward to all 12 films in this series. Great cinema? No. Great entertainment, definitely.


  There was plenty.
  • Julie Strain shows her breasts talking with Sidaris before the film even starts.
  • Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton have lengthy nude scenes where they show breasts and buns.
  • Roberta Vasquez shows nothing but cleavage and a lot of leg.
  • Cynthia Brimhall shows breasts
  • Kym Malin and Patty Duffek show breasts and buns.
Scoop's comments:

I always thought Picasso Trigger was the expensive painting above Roy Rogers' mantel.

I have found over the years that there are two filmmakers whose plots make no sense at all to me: filmdom's much-revered Michelangelo Antonioni and much-maligned Andy Sidaris. Those two men appear to have absolutely nothing in common except a mutual incapacity for rational thought. I'd love to hear a conversation between them, although I don't know if they have a common language. Having heard both of them speak English, I'm pretty sure that won't work.

Of course, in Sidaris' movies the plot is defined as "some random words spoken to justify the next topless scene", so the discontinuity isn't really germane to your viewing pleasure. You're probably not watching a Sidaris movie for the intricacies and nuances of the script. You're watching because seven different ex-Playmates are in this film (see the Stomp Tokyo article for the straight skinny on which women, which issues).

To me, the greatest weakness in Sidaris' films is that he didn't make them comedies. Well, at least not intentionally. I think they'd play out much better if they didn't take themselves so seriously as pseudo-Bond films.

Picasso Trigger is rated a dismal 3.42 at IMDb, and that makes it one of Sidaris' better films! Pretty darned impressive, eh? Andy is down there with John Derek and Ed Wood. IMDB doesn't seem to have many breast-lovers in its constituency.


Here's a list of the Sidaris films with enough votes to qualify for a rating

  1. (5.19) - Seven (1979)
  2. (3.87) - Malibu Express (1985)
  3. (3.75) - Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
  4. (3.42) - Picasso Trigger (1988)
  5. (3.30) - L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach (1998)
  6. (3.26) - Hard Hunted (1992)
  7. (3.23) - Day of the Warrior (1996)
  8. (3.19) - Do or Die (1991)
  9. (3.04) - Guns (1990)

Here's Ed Wood's list

  1. (3.68) - Jail Bait (1954)
  2. (3.55) - Sinister Urge, The (1961)
  3. (3.33) - Night of the Ghouls (1959)
  4. (3.31) - Plan 9 from Outer Space (1958)
  5. (3.26) - Glen or Glenda (1953)
  6. (3.22) - Bride of the Monster (1956)

Here's John Derek's

  1. (3.06) - Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
  2. (2.86) - Bolero (1984)
  3. (2.50) - Ghosts Can't Do It (1990)


As you can see, Sidaris directed five movies rated lower than Plan 9 from Outer Space, which is often cited as the worst movie ever made. Of course, Derek still has the crown. For John Derek, the sterling quality of Plan 9 was just an impossible dream.

How did that 5.19 for "Seven" get on Sidaris' list?

In fact, Sidaris' "Seven" is rather famous in a way. Do you remember the great scene in Raiders, in which the martial arts guy expertly twirls his swords for a minute, then Indy looks at him as if to say "I ain't got time for this shit", and shoots him dead? Sidaris used that same scene in "Seven" - several years earlier. Perhaps the dates haven't sunk in for you, but "Seven" was made in 1979, when about three households in America had a VCR. He actually expected people to go to the theaters for that one.

The Critics Vote

  • Maltin 2/4

  • Stomp Tokyo summary . Entertaining and informative article about the film, and Sidaris. They didn't like the film, either as a titty-fest or as a legitimate film.

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 3.3 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C as a titty film.

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