Rachel's Angels is said to be
written and directed by Rachel Elizabeth. Written? Really? No one says a mofoing
word. Bunch of gals, most of them silicone sisters, get rid of their clothes and
wriggle around a whole lot. So WTF did she write? Words of encouragement? The
address of the plastic surgeon who did her boob job? A post-it note on the
fridge they all used during the taping? I am confused.
So why did I bother reviewing this thing? It has a mess of nekkid Hefmates. Got Audra
Lynn and Divini Rae and Ava Fabian...all of whom have done a film or two...and
Heather Carolin. And then there is Sheila Levell and Jamie Hammer, who've also
did some acting of a sort. Elizabeth Kelly and Rachel Elizabeth fill out
the list of strippers and wigglers. Audra was impressive, Divini was divine and
the underused Heather was yummy. The others I could have taken or left. Rachel
had a couple of explicit gynocam views. Everyone else was restrained in that
department.
Ava Fabian's appearance was unwise. She must have been 45 when this thing was
filmed. Once upon a time, 20 years ago, she was a spectacular beauty and there
are times in this disk you can still see the wonders of her face. She has
kept in great shape but, boys, she is old by anyone's definition and the skin
and the bod just aren't what they used to be. I kept thinking of Chris Rock's
comment about Janet Jackson's Super Bowl malfunction - a 20-yr-old tittie?
That's everybody's tittie. A 40yr-old tittie? That's just your man's tittie. Ava
should keep hers under wraps except for her man.
Divini Rae was Hefmate for Dec 2003. She is said to be the first Alaskan
woman with a staple in her navel and, according to Wikipedia (aka, the source of
all knowledge) her real name is Divini Rae Sorenson. In Rachel's Angels she
uses the name Micah Miller. In addition to this disk and a few Mystique DVDs
she has played recurring characters in cable series Hotel Erotica Cabo and The
Erotica Traveler. Her website claims she is Howard Stern's favorite Hefmate,
apparently because she got away from the tame stuff that Hef throws our way and
launched herself into some very revealing stuff posing for Suze Randall and then
for her own website. Divini had aftermarket equipment already installed when
Rachel's Angels was made but in the year or so since that time the first
enhanced pair was replaced by a set of mega Jumbo Jacks. Too frickin bad. The
gal is a beauty with an exuberant body, complete with a caboose to melt the
heart. She is more than a bit too zaftig for my tastes but she has the right
equipment to keep most lads very interested.
This is the fourth Peach DVD I have reviewed and maybe it's time to draw some
general conclusions. From the perspective of someone who goes through a disk
frame-by-frame I can see three things go into making a first-rate DVD:
1) Lots
of great looking gals;
2) Competent filmmaking skills. You know, lighting and
framing and all that sorta stuff you learn in a film course at your local junior
college;
3) DVD rendering that compresses the whole thing so that motion chatter
and all that sorta mess is missing.
In that context, Peach gets the first part
dead right and the last two dead wrong. In disk after disk and scene after
scene, the lighting sucks and the cinematographic skills are nonexistent. Must
of us did a better job filming Christmas morning. And then all of us who try it
do a way better job making DVDs than these bozos. They screw up so often and
results in such an egregious result that you gotta figure the people at Peach
just don't give a flying fuck. Don't care about the product, don't care about
the audience.
Too bad. Because their disks could be contenders. Instead, they are just
bums. Face it, Charlie, they're just bums.
