The Real Blonde (1997) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

I suppose this film must have looked OK on paper, but it really didn't work.

It begins with a showbiz couple.

He is an aspiring actor whose artistic standards are so high that he'll never get the kind of work necessary to pay his dues. He wants to do Arthur Miller, but he refuses to take the rock video and soap opera work necessary to get noticed and pay the bills. As a result, he's 35 years old and has never had a paying job.

She is the hairdresser and make-up specialist for fashion models.


Christine Keener showed her breasts very early in the film, when she awoke to begin the day. Brigitte Wilson and Daryl Hannah showed their breasts from the side.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • widescreen letterbox, 1.85

  • no meaningful features

Their lives in New York follow a kind of circular path, in that he meets someone who meets someone, she meets someone who meets someone, and the ultimate extension of that produces two people who form another storyline. His acting friend dates a model that she's been working with. Repeat as necessary. There are some clever contrivances in which characters meet other characters many times without realizing it.

I found this film superficial, trite, often boring, and not very funny, thus causing it to fail both as a comedy and as a thought piece. The structure of the film is quite clever, but it never really uses that imaginative structure to go anywhere or develop anything much of interest. Despite some good performers, I don't think the film managed to drag a lot of entertainment value out of the clay it chose to work with.

The Critics Vote

  • General consensus: two and a half stars. Ebert 3/4, Berardinelli 3/4, Apollo 56/100, 2.5/5

The People Vote ...

  • IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 6.2/10, Apollo users 64/100
  • with their dollars. It did almost nothing: $247,000.


IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a D+. A miss, in my book. Not funny enough to appeal to comedy lovers. Not original or intelligent enough to appeal to those who might enjoy its insider look at showbiz.

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