Return of the Ultra Vixens (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Talk about your bonehead maneuvers. I picked up "Return of the Ultra Vixens", thinking it would be one of those campy romps ala Russ Meyer, filled with giant breasts and a minimal plot. Wrong. It's actually a forgotten Katharine Hepburn movie.

Or not.

Actually, it's a nudie-cutie, or whatever they call those things, where the women just hang around naked and do womanly, large-breasted things, like trampolining and sitting in the hot tub and walking along a highway naked. 


Everyone is naked. It's a nudie video.
So it was pretty much like a Katharine Hepburn movie, now that I think about it. 

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen version

  • a small additional picture gallery

Although this movie is exactly what it is supposed to be, and isn't bad by that definition, that's not my kind of entertainment. My picking this up now ranks as one of the three stupidest decisions in human history, right after Napoleon's invasion of Russia, and William Shatner's decision to pursue a singing career. But since I got it, here are the bims:

  • Lulu Devine
  • Pandora Peaks
  • Candy
  • Kim Eternity
  • Alexis Love
  • Fantasia

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • Straight to video. No IMDb listing. 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description,  I will score this a C+, but be advised that the genre is very narrow - nudies films featuring jumbo-breasted models. If you want anything else at all, this ain't it.

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