Return of the Ultra Vixens
from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Talk about your bonehead maneuvers. I picked up "Return of the
Ultra Vixens", thinking it would be one of those campy romps ala
Russ Meyer, filled with giant breasts and a minimal plot. Wrong. It's
actually a forgotten Katharine Hepburn movie.
|Actually, it's a nudie-cutie, or whatever they call those things,
where the women just hang around naked and do womanly, large-breasted
things, like trampolining and sitting in the hot tub and walking along
a highway naked.
naked. It's a nudie video.
|So it was pretty much like a Katharine Hepburn movie,
now that I think about it.
Although this movie is exactly what
it is supposed to be, and isn't bad by that definition, that's not my
kind of entertainment. My picking this up now ranks as one of the three stupidest
decisions in human history, right after Napoleon's invasion of Russia,
and William Shatner's decision to pursue a singing career. But since I
got it, here are the bims:
- Lulu Devine
- Pandora Peaks
- Kim Eternity
- Alexis Love
- Straight to video. No IMDb
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, I will
score this a C+, but be advised that the genre is very narrow -
nudies films featuring jumbo-breasted models. If you want
anything else at all, this ain't it.
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