Sand (1999) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Grade Z Tarantino, combining extreme and graphically portrayed violence with (attempted) humor.

A guy runs away from his demented criminal family after his mother dies. He goes to the seacoast town where his mother came from, and he keeps having the same silent black and white memory of her. It's a low budget movie, and they couldn't afford color memories. This town seems to be populated by only about eight people - four moronic surfers, one bartender, one girl, and a moronic couple that runs the local motel. I guess it's a good thing the couple is dumb, because they don't seem to care that the motel has neither customers nor any prospects for any.

The guy's crazy, moronic family eventually shows up and two of his moronic brothers rape the town's only girl. Since she is the sister of one of the surfers, the moronic surfers kick the shit out of the moronic brothers, who come back later to kick the shit out of them, and so forth until the moronic brothers are dead, and the moronic father comes after the moronic surfers with heavy artillery and starts blasting away.


none - Kari Wuhrer goes wading in the surf while wearing a white shift, so there is minor see-through action, but it's quite far from the camera

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen

  • no meaningful features

The only worthwhile humor comes from Denis Leary, who just does his stand-up act as a criminal accomplice of the moronic family, and talks about matters unrelated to the film's plot, like the Kennedy's and the Red Sox.

The couple which owns the hotel is supposed to be funny, I think, but it isn't easy to tell. The only reason I am guessing that they are supposed to be humorous is the fact that the guy is Jon Lovitz, who is generally not hired for serious dramatic roles. On the other hand, the woman is that noted comic genius, Julie Delpy, so you make the call.

Strange movie, irritating, cheap-looking, unintelligent, and just not very good, although it has some interesting moments.

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDB readers say 5.1/10


IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a D+.

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