Scandalous Behavior aka Singapore Sling (1998) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

I can't believe I sat through another one of these. This was billed as an erotic thriller, but it was about as thrilling as doing your ironing with Al Gore. It started out with the potential to be a comedy classic like Habitat, but no such luck. For example, in the first sex scene, they edited the camera cuts in the wrong order, so when one woman climbs atop the guy in a threesome, they change the camera angles and she isn't there yet! Oh-ho-ho it's magic, you know. Then the evildoers place some innocents into a car and let them drive off. Why let them get away? Are they evil doers with a heart of gold? Nah! They have a remote controlled explosive device to detonate the car. Only one problem - the victims drive off in a new Cadillac down a claustrophobic tree-lined alley, but the car that blows up is an older car, and in an empty treeless street.

All this in the first few minutes, so I had my hopes up so high! Sigh. It just turned out to be another one of these things with the minimum plot necessary to justify the sex scenes, and the actors delivering their lines like local furniture store owners doing their own commercials by reading cue cards. They did make plenty more flubs (see Tuna's review below), but they were more irritating than funny.

The only good thing about the movie is that it is the DVD version of "Singapore Sling". Hey, Scoop, what's so friggin good about that? Well, I'll tell ya - that's the 1998 movie in which the six foot tall former Playindividual Shannon Tweed appears to be sitting on the shillelagh for real. I have to say that when you are watching the movie, it does absolutely give the illusion that she's riding the Love Log. Is there any way to say for sure? Not a chance. They could be doin' the nasty, or he could have an erection a couple inches behind her butt, or we could be looking at a shadow. I don't know. But it's some pretty hot monkey love for Ms Tweed, real or not. Did you realize that it was almost 20 years ago that Shannon was the staple girl? She's hot, but she has kids your age. Since the centerfold, she's had some rugrats with Gene Simmons, the tongue dude from KISS, and she has appeared in about a zillion low-budget productions. Tweed isn't that bad in this. Maybe she could pass muster in some real movies someday if she had the right director. But the rest of the cast should be drowned in Bardahl and used to prevent engine knock in Oprah's vibrator.

The history of literature has been dominated by the "sins of the father" legacy. How much guilt do we owe those our fathers wronged, and what should we do about it? Should we pluck out our eyes like Oedipus, even though we are just unwilling and unknowning pawns? In this classical spirit, I am glad to see Shannon sharing her body with all of us, to atone for the many wrongs committed by her infamous grandfather, Boss Tweed.

Landon Hall is doing the same because of her own grandpa, Tammany. 

By the way, this movie was directed by James Hong, whom you would immediately recognize as the stock creepy old Hollywood Chinese guy, from such great pictures as Blade Runner and Chinatown. He also stars in this picture. He's in his seventies now, and the first movie he appeared in was 1955's "Love is a Many Splendored Thing". That was some time ago. The old boy is in great shape, and doesn't look much older than he did three decades ago. Point of passing info - he's as American as you can get: born in Minneapolis, with an engineering degree from USC. His Chinese heritage turned out to be a great entree into acting, and he has done more than 100 movies!

It's stirring to think that he could find a new career at 70-something, but his career in directing just ain't gonna be taking off (see Tuna's comments).

We have now identified the Ed Wood of softcore -- James Hong. Scandalous Behavior (1998) actually has better acting than some softcores, but has a very lame plot, and not that much sex or passion. It also has numerous credibility gaps. The title has nothing to do with the plot, although the original title, Singapore Sling, did. I guess they changed the name so they could be consistently bad. We start in Singapore, where Rena Riffel, in exchange for marrying a rich crook, has been granted parole, provided she not leave Singapore. If she leaves, he has to serve her sentence. 

The brother meets Lisa Comshaw at the strip club she manages, and after enjoying lapdances from two strippers (Wendy Taylor, and/or Heidi Brink, and/or Stephanie Smith), takes her home where they share a hot tub fully dressed, then strip and go to it. The crook from Singapore shows up on the pretext of investing in the oil company. He offers to invest $20m, but only if Rena goes back with him, and returns the priceless emerald she stole from him. Shannon, who is bitter at the lack of a marriage proposal, hatches a scheme to save Rena and get rich (and even) in the process. Honest, I am not making this up. Rena tells the crook that she will go back if he deposits $2m in her bank account. Meanwhile, Lisa has been brought in on the plot, and has a birthday party for the richest, cleverest and most ruthless crook in all of Singapore, gets him drunk, has him snort coke, then gets him arrested and deported.

Rena and Shannon leave together, happy with the $2m, which they scatter part of out of their convertible. Remember the priceless emerald? Well, then you are smarter than the cast, director and writers, because there is no mention of it. Brother one loses everything, and for some reason we never learn, Lisa and the other brother are now rich, and seem destined to remain a couple. Whewwwwwww.

No real critic will admit to having seen it, and 27 IMDB readers say 4.2/10, which is the dry cow patty range, but not quite the fresh pigeon droppings on the nose level. I give it a D.