The Serpent's Kiss (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Here's another brilliant rating job from the MPAA. This film is rated R for "brief language". That explanation is so silly that I didn't even believe it. I figured there had to be something in the film to justify an R. Wrong. Brief language was it. In a story that takes place in 1799, a guy says "fucking" once or twice. There's your R. No nudity, no violence.

A young Dutch architect comes to the house of a wealthy English couple to design them a new garden. The house is full of whispered secrets. Perhaps the architect is not who he claims to be. Perhaps the whole garden is part of a scheme to bankrupt the landowner, as concocted by the wife's evil scheming cousin. If that's enough plot for you, perhaps you'll stay awake during the film. 

This is one boring movie, where all the secrets are telegraphed in the first few minutes, and the remaining film is lacking any form of dramatic tension, and desperately requires an infusion of energy. Richard Grant does a pretty good job on the villainy, but the rest of the characters seem to be in a trance, even the usually dependable Pete Postlethwaite, who doesn't seem very comfortable as the wealthy landowner. It seems that he wants to be doing some delicious scheming with Grant.

If you like costume dramas, proceed at your own risk. I like them in general, but not this one.