Sex and the City, the wrap-up of the HBO series of the same name, is basically a Bizarro world version of a Kevin Costner
sports movie.
Bear with me. Here's how to re-write the Costner sports formula to make it
work for women.
|
Costner formula
|
Bizarro version |
|
A pure entertainment movie in which a bunch of superficial
guys |
women |
|
talk about nothing but sex and
sports
|
shopping |
|
while they drink
beer |
wine |
|
and
scotch. |
cosmos |
|
They struggle through some ups and downs, but eventually come
through at the end to win the big game. |
resolve their relationship problems |
End of story.
Of course, that doesn't mean you will enjoy this film if you like
Costner movies, because Bizarro is not Superman. Nor does it mean you
will hate the Bizarro version if you like the regular version. It's
possible that you may not cringe if a woman drags you to this movie, but
the whole project was quite clearly created as "event programming" for
people who don't normally get their own movie events: women and gay
guys.
As of this writing, Sex and the City has displaced Dirty Dancing as
the Queen of the chick-flicks. If you have been reading our analyses in
the past, you probably know that we measure a film's vaginocentricity by a simple
formula.
E = IMDbf - IMDbm
Where:
E represents the estrogen level.
IMDbf represents the IMDb rating from female voters.
IMDbm represents the IMDb rating from male voters.
We consider any film which scores more than 1.0 a chick-flick. Dirty
Dancing held the previous record for a major film, having scored 1.9 on
this scale. The enormity of that can be comprehended only after you
realize that Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Steel Magnolias
only score 1.2 and Beaches only 1.3. The Dirty Dancing score of 1.9
represents enough estrogen to single-handedly replace every dot over
every "i" in the universe with a little heart.
Sex and the City scores 2.4
That's not a typo, but it is absolutely off the scale. How far above
the scale? Well, the smartest person who ever lived probably had an IQ
of something like 225. Imagine somebody suddenly appearing with an IQ of
400. That kind of quantum leap represents how much more estrogen is in
this film than in Dirty Dancing. Compared to this film, Dirty Dancing
seems like the Dirty Dozen. Men score SATC 4.8 at IMDb, while women score
it 7.2.
There is an important piece of analysis that you guys need to take
away from those scores. Guys normally use chick-flicks to get laid.
Admit it, guys, you put up with Amelie or The Notebook for two hours
just because movies like that get her into a romantic mood, right? Well
it won't work with this movie. Consider how bad a 4.8 movie is. That's
like a straight-to-vid starring Michael Paré
and Corbin Bernsen about a vampire who's also a maverick cop. That's how
you, Mr. Male, are likely to view this film, and it will be difficult to
camouflage your feelings. On the other hand, a 7.2 film is close to an
all-time great. That's how your date will view this film. As you leave
the theater you are probably going to argue about the merits of this
film, and the vibe created by that will undermine the foreplay value of
the film itself.
Since you can't use the film to get laid, and you are not likely to
enjoy it, I strongly suggest letting the women have their "girls' night
out" on this one, including drinks afterwards. The film ends with a
positive view of the husbands and/or boyfriends of all four women, so it
does not preach any anti-male message. Given that fact and the
additional fact that it features a happy, uplifting, romantic ending,
there is a very good chance that your significant other will come home
tipsy from her hen party and molest you.
And if not, well, at least you got to eat some nachos, drink some
beer, and watch Tin Cup on the plasma without having to listen to any
crap.
