Spanish Judges (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

The judges are a pair of antique dueling pistols for which the characters in this film kill and are killed. If that sounds too much like "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", it is just a coincidence. The movies have nothing else in common.
This is basically a one room, five character play, in which Matthew Lillard plays a con man, a cruel shark who comes into the life of some small time crooks who unknowingly possess an immense treasure worth million of dollars. One by one, Lillard gets the ear of the small timers, in each case planting seeds of doubt in the ears of his listener about his erstwhile partners. Lillard schemes up new splits and new deals with each of them against the others, all the while planning to kill them all and take everything.


Valeria Golino did a nude scene in which she dressed and undressed in her closet. Although it was dark, most of her body was visible. Her breasts were seen clearly, but the lower body exposure was mostly a side view.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • Widescreen anamorphic, 1.85:1

  • no meaningful features

The film features some off-beat concepts and some bizarre characterizations by the leads, including Vince d'Onofrio and a young girl who claims to be from Mars, and who genuinely demonstrates supernatural powers on two separate occasions. (???)

The only really interesting and clever element of the film is that Lillard's descriptions of incidents in his life are accompanied by visuals of what really happened, generating some dramatic irony, and   showing the audience that he is lying, although the other characters do not know it.

The Critics Vote

  • 2/4

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 5.5
  • straight to vid, but the DVD is a widescreen version.
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C. OK way to pass the time if you can't sleep. (Tuna: D+. Dark, violent, not a single believable character)

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