Stripteaser II (1997) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

This is a terrible movie. I watched it only because Maria Ford is supposed to be in it as an uncredited dancer, and I was curious. After watching the entire mess, I still didn't know where the hell she was, so I started researching her pictures. Well, guess what? The mystery was solved when I saw UC99's caps from an earlier film! The director of Stripteaser 2 just re-used some footage from two scenes in Showgirl Murders. It didn't seem too much out of place because the character had no lines in Stripteaser 2, and did not interact with any other members of the cast. She was just an anonymous dancer working a special room with anonymous clients. Just atmosphere. One of our readers identified another unrelated scene as Elena Sahagun in a 1990 movie called Naked Obsession.

I assume it this was all done with the proper permissions.

They had to have been desperate for content, because this entire film runs only 78 minutes, even with the scenes from Showgirl Murders and Naked Obsession -  and lots more padding as well! The opening credits run exactly 5:22, Ford and Sahagun's scenes run a couple of minutes, and there is one more strip scene, a whiffy montage, and a chase scene which are also unrelated to the movie and don't feature anyone in the cast.

The car chase is not a bad one at all, with two vehicles destroyed in dramatic crashes. I assume that it is some close-up footage shot for this film edited into long shots from another film. Three reasons for my conclusion:

• It begins with an obviously looped-in voice saying "Hey, he's driving off with one of our girls", even though the guy doing the actual driving is the only person in the scene, he is outside the club, and nobody came out after him! So whose voice is it, and where is it coming from?
• Two guys from the strip club seem to die chasing our hero, but when he returns the next night, nobody mentions anything about it.
• A cop also seems to have died in that same chase, but the police chief shows no interest the next night.

Between the five unrelated nudity scenes, the opening credits, the closing credits, and the car chase, there must be 18 minutes of extraneous footage, leaving us with a 60 minute film. I suppose at least 35 minutes of that consists of actual wordless strip acts performed by the women in the cast. There is also a sex scene which probably lasts about five minutes, so the time spent on plot and character development is approximately 20 minutes. 

You have to love a film with essentially no content. This is close to my dream of a film with opening credits which go directly to the closing credits. And they both can be very short. We won't have any music or visuals during the credits, just word screens shown in silence, and therefore the only credit needed is "the credit guy" (assuming he does his own editing).

Stripteaser 2 has plenty of nudity, but even that is disappointing. The strippers never remove their bottoms, so the only brief flash of pubic hair comes when Kim Dawson has a sex scene. Some of the topless footage is also badly interlaced, but some of it is OK.

Surprisingly enough, the film has one positive. It has a good musical score. The songs are alternative rock, and the incidental music is wailing progressive jazz which would make a perfect backdrop for a noir detective story with a hard-boiled voice-over. I was thinking "jeez, this music is much better than I would expect from this kind of movie", and then noticed that one of the comments at IMDb said the same thing.