Swimming Pool (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Imagine if Scream were re-made by a bunch of Germans and Czechs in an international high school in Prague, with high school students who seem to be in their thirties, and who speak English like Bela Lugosi reading from cue cards on a live broadcast.

If that has been your dream film, your dream has come true, bubba.

The dialogue: stuff like "are you really ready to par-tay?"

The plot: high school graduates hold their farewell party inside an old natatorium in Prague. They are locked in with a knife-wielding guy wearing the same costume as the guy in Scream, except with a slightly different ghost face on the hood.

The opening sequence: nearly identical to Scream.

The acting: not only are the performers not much in the acting department, but many of them don't seem to be able to speak English, as if they learned their lines phonetically.

The settings: not bad at all - the actual swimming pool complex is some kind of indoor water park with restaurants and taverns. Cool! The exteriors were shot in Prague, which is a very ancient and romantic city.

The sub-plot: the kids are eventually rescued by a cop working on a case in the middle of the night on a weekend. What a work ethic those Czech cops have! I guess he was czeching out some hot leads. As he tracks down the kid he's looking for, he says "those darned kids" so many times that he should get a part in Scooby-Two.

The gore: one pretty good death. Girl goes down water slide at full speed. As she makes the last turn she sees a giant machete blade between her and the opening. There is no chance to stop her momentum. Oh, the humanity.