The Teacher

 (1974)

Dennis the Menace (Jay North) has just finished High School, is an 18 year old virgin, and has a thing for one of his ex-teachers who is young, separated from her husband, and living nearby. His best friend shares his appreciation for her charms, and invites him to spy on her sunbathing topless on a boat. They boys set up their binoculars at a warehouse where the friend's deranged Vietnam vet brother hangs out. The dramatic conflict, such as it is, derives from the fact that the older  brother is also obsessed with the teacher (Angel Tompkins). The two young friends are peeping and fighting over the binoculars when big brother shows up and scares them. The best friend falls to his death. Big brother threatens Dennis the Menace if he says anything to the police.

Then we and Dennis get a break. Angel is horny, and The Menace appeals to her, so she seduces him. This, as you can imagine, doesn't sit well with the deranged vet. Dennis's folks are not enthusiastic either. And don't even ask about Mr. Wilson. The story cannot end well.

The scenes between Angel and Dennis the Menace are almost believable, but the only real bright spot in this film is the nudity from Angel Tompkins.

by Brainscan

The Teacher takes Angel Tompkins, an actress with a long list of TV credits and a certain cult following, and throws her into a septic tank. Watching this movie reminds me of the Randy Quaid line from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation ... "Shitter's full!!!".

Indeed it is.

Angel plays the title character and Jay North, who had been TV's Dennis the Menace in his youth, plays the student-object of her affection. Damn, even if one considers the very different sensibilities of the 70's and today, that is one tawdry combination. The Caren Kaye movie, My Tutor, does a much better job, with far less discomfort, in portraying a May-March love affair. Both movies even have long scenes of voyeurism but in My Tutor it comes off nicely, whereas in The Teacher it is just plain icky. That someone dies as a result of peeping in The Teacher certainly adds to the ickiness.

The actress and actor involved in the hooking up have all the heat and chemistry of a reaction between dry ice and liquid nitrogen. To paraphrase the greatest living Western philosopher, this movie does the physically impossible by sucking and blowing at the same time.

Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is an:

E

But the DVD double bill is a C-, a good bargain for niche collectors despite being of absolutely no interest to the general movie-going public.

NUDITY REPORT

• Angel Tompkins gets topless for about four minutes, across several scenes, packed into five clips. The first two are separate peeping events, as Angel doffs her top on her boat. Damn good binoculars the guys are looking through...they permit one to zoom right in on the goodies. Then there is a strip-to-shower scene, and two romps in the hay with Dennis the erstwhile Menace.

SIDEBAR

by Uncle Scoopy

• Scoop's note: I got to wondering whatever happened to Jay "Dennis the Menace" North. Here's what Wikipedia has to say, "Finding himself forever typecast as "Dennis the Menace," North quit acting and joined the Navy in the 1970s. He later served as a prison security guard. He is now retired and lives in Lake Butler, Florida.

• Here is a current picture.

THE CRITICS AND ACADEMIES

THE BOX OFFICE

Unknown. It was basically a drive-in movie.