Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps (1999) from Tuna and Brainscan

Tuna's comments:

Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps (1999 video) is a Surrender Cinema production distributed by Full Moon Entertainment. That being said, you already no that it is a soft-core with lots of naked women, and a hint of a plot. Two friends walk through a magic mirror, and end up in the old west as saloon girls. By the time they figure out how to get back, they both have been laid, one of them is nearly hanged, and they learn to appreciate their spouses. I have seen worse premises for one of these, for instance, the one I reviewed last night. In this case, 6 women show their all: Amy Lindsay, Kim Yates, Taimi Hannum, Michelle Bauer, Amber Newman, and Shannon Malone.

Understand that you don't watch one of these for the plot or the acting, but lines were delivered somewhat convincingly, and Kim Yates is absolutely charming. Most of the nudity is in focus and in clear light, and they made some effort on the sets. This is a full C+.


see the main commentary

Brainscan's comments:

The Citizen Kane of time-travel-ol'-southwest-prostitute-nekkid-B-movie-bimbo movies is Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps (if you add enough adjectives, and thereby limit the available entries, every movie becomes the Citizen Kane of something).

The best and the not-so-best of this movie: Shannon Malone and Amber Newman.  Shannon reminds of the women that each of us has tried to pick up at a bar and a party after we've gotten enough alcohol into us to make us think we had any more than a snowball's chance in hell (or Tulsa, Oklahoma.... same difference) with her. And we all got shot down. In flames. Admit it.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen

  • no meaningful features

The Shannon scene has her sport-humpin' a guy wearing a fur coat along with Amber Newman, who is the not-so-best part of this movie. It's greedy, I know, to piss and moan about a babe who is more than passable in the looks department and who does the nekkid thing. And in the real world I wouldn't. But this is Holly-world, where all nekkid babes are so far above average that a merely above-average one just doesn't do it for us, right guys? Anyway, there they are, Shannon and Amber, paying attention to the guy and to one another.  There is also Amber alone, from the side as she does the ride-'em-cowgirl sport-humpin thing (she is, after all is said and done, a saddletramp). Ever notice that guys in these movies are built... uh, strangely? Like, with dongs half-way down their thighs? Or at least that's what you gotta conclude cuz that's where the girls are riding them?

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews on line

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDB readers say 4.3/10


IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C+ as a softcore skin film.

Return to the Movie House home page