Treasure Hunt (2003) from Brainscan

Treasure Hunt is a Jim Wynorski direct-to-video that combines the worst elements of Blair Witch and Survivor. People on an island? Yes, yes, seen that one before. Cinema verité style, with shaky-ass camera? Sure, sure, that one's been done. Killer loose and it turns out to be the first person supposedly killed, whose body disappears in ways mysterious? Oldest plot device in the world. Nothing new under the sun.

And no one would care if ol' JW had gone out and gotten him a bunch of babes to prance around nekkid. What ol' Jim did, however, was go out and get himself a bunch of women who were babes a way long time ago. We are talking Sam Phillips, Tane McClure and Gail Harris. Most mercifully, he keeps their clothes on. Well, not Gail. She shows her bum and its looking just fine, thank you. But the other two do stay covered, for which I am most grateful.

Jim did grab himself a few young babes. Shea Smith, Melissa Brasella (who looks terrific) and Glori-Anne Gilbert. Only Glori-Anne takes off her top, but then Jim shoots those scenes by the light of a bonfire or puts the camera so close to the action that he just about jams it up her nose. And when you tack on the facts that (a) the camera is always moving, sweeping from one side to the next, jittering as if Michael J Fox were trying to hold it still (b) the digital compression is so bad that remnants of one frame remain as the next comes up, well what you get with close-ups is something almost impossible to capture.

But then in one scene, the camera stops moving, the lighting is perfect and Glori-Anne starts to remove her bikini and I'm thinking, well maybe this will make up for all the other painful crap I've had to watch... but noooooo. The camera cuts away before you get to see any goodies. What the hell? You already got her topless twice before, Jim you stupid fuck, why go modest on us now? I could have pulled his pea brain out through his nose at that point.


  • Glori-Anne Gilbert - breasts
  • Gail Harris - buns

A couple of things came to mind as I watched this atrocity unfold:

1) There is a phrase in Spanish that translates as "limp dick" but carries with it much more baggage than any English phraseology might. That's Jim Wynorski. He's written, produced and directed 50 movies and rather than getting better or showing any sign of progress in his craft over time, he has gotten measurably worse. I'd much rather watch Deathstalker II than anything he's done this century.

2) Had a roommate who despised the dorm's RA. A man of few words, the roomie once said of the RA that "he could fuck up a wet dream." After watching Treasure Hunt, I understand what that means.

3) In American Wedding, Stifler sits listening to the stripper cop talk of her past and her dreams and finally blurts out, "I don't care. All I want you to do is dance." That's the way I felt as I sat and watched the heads of some very uninteresting people speak terribly uninteresting lines into a shaky camera. I didn't care. All I wanted was for the babes to dance.

  • DVD info currently unavailable.

I like Glori-Anne Gilbert. She's cute as the dickens, blessed with a most exuberant body and he gets nekkid a lot. I have to like her, since I have seen her in three movies, each of which sits below the IMDb Mendoza line (under 2.0), one of which (Dream Witch) is considered by many to be as bad as Manos, the Hands of Fate. Understand, then, Treasure Hunt is even worse.

 Avoid at all costs.

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The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a F. No good as a real movie. No good as a skin movie.

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