Harold Robbins' Body Parts (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna
Tuna's commentary in white: 

Body Parts (1999) my have more names than people who have seen it. It is also known as Harrold Robbins' Body Parts (it is based on a Harold Robbins novel) and IMDB calls it Vital Parts. As it is a direct to video, I have no idea where IMDB came up with the name. It stars Richard Grieco, who is convinced by his Navy buddy to ride along on a major drug purchase in Hong Kong for some easy money. Richard's wife, Athena Massey, drives the car. During the drug purchase, you know someone is going to double-cross someone, mostly from the music, but I was surprised when the buddy, Chris Aguilar, shoots both of the sellers and Grieco. Grieco survives the point blank shotgun blast to the stomach, and is framed by Aguilar and Massey for a double murder. He serves 5 years in a Hong Kong prison, and then is released.

Cut to Santa Monica. Grieco gets off of a sailboat, and is met by none other than Massey, who tells him that Aguilar has become a bigshot in the Philippine mob, and is out to kill him. The two are off to the Philippines to get him first, and to start the actual film. Massey convinces him she really loves him, and they have a sex scene, mostly really dark, but with a good view of her breasts afterwards. As Grieco starts the search for Aguilar, her starts in a strip club/whore house, and meets a hooker played by Joyce Jimenez, who befriends him. She is lovely, and shows us her full breasts numerous times.
I don't want to spoil any of the plot twists, of which there are plenty. There is almost no information available on this film. It is either an OK thriller with good exposure, or a very good softcore that is a little light on nudity and simulated sex. I guess that would make it a C+, as it works in at least 2 genres. Jiminez debuted in this film, and has a credit from 2000 at IMDB as well. She looks great, has no accent, and can act. I think we will see more of her. 

NUDITY REPORT
see Tuna's commentary

there are also several topless strippers who are in the background as Grieco walks through their club
Scoop's thoughts in yellow:  

The Grieco character in this film has to be the world's dumbest guy. 

1. Early in the film, his estranged wife met him as soon as he arrived back into the States. Now this wasn't hard to figure out.

a. only the Chinese guy knew that Grieco was on that plane

b. therefore, the Chinese guy told the wife. 

Grieco asks the right question, wondering how she knew where he was, and she brushed it off with some silly answer like "don't I always know where you are?", and he just accepted it. Soon, he was trusting her fully again!

2. Later, when he returns to the Philippines, his wife tells him that he can trust a certain woman there. When that woman drops him off somewhere, the bad guy has been tipped off to his arrival. Again, this isn't real hard to figure out.

a. since the woman was the only one who knew where he was, she was the one who tipped off the bad guy.

b. since Massey said he could trust that woman, Massey lied, and was in on some kind of plot against him.

c. since the Chinese guy who freed him was in touch with Massey, Mr Corrupt Chinese Guy was also in on that plot, whatever it is.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen, but a very clear 4:3 transfer

  • no meaningful features
Pretty simple, eh? Not to him. After surviving past that point, he should have simply fled back to the USA and opened up a Subway franchise in Des Moines under an assumed name, because he should have known he was being set up again for something major.

But no-o-o-o-o-o.

Of course, he's also the world's bravest guy, since he's taking on some massive conspiracy of gangsters and the Chinese government, even though he's in a foreign country with no money, no friends, no car, and no weapon.

You think it's easy to fight crime when you have to take the bus?

The Critics Vote

  • no major reviews

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: not enough votes for a rating
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is somewhere between a C+ (Tuna) to C- (Scoop), but not all that bad for a non-theatrical flick.

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