Werewolves on Wheels

Werewolves on Wheels (1971) from Tuna

This alleged film came about because the production company let it be known that they wanted a motorcycle rider/horror offering, and would probably greenlight the first script they saw. So, Michel Levasque and David M. Kaufman got together, churned out this script, and got the funding. The DVD cover says, "If you're hairy, you belong on a motorbike," which, for some demented reason, appealed to me, and I was set to love this film. Unfortunately, it was in the "so bad it is just plain bad" category. This turned out to be low budget exploitation at its worst, and that line on the DVD cover is the best thing about it.

This review contains complete spoilers, although I am not sure the term "spoiler" can apply to a film this bad.

We start off with an Easy Rider homage, as a motorcycle gang composed of five actors, several crew members, and a few real bikers who owned the Harleys used in the film, are harassed by two rednecks in a pick-up truck. They catch the truck at a gas station, and beat the crap out of one of the rednecks. Then they go into the attached diner, where they pay the owner for the gas and beer by having one of the women shove her breasts in his face. We do meet key players during this scene, including a tarot reading biker, one who is evidently into devil worship, and two semi-famous people playing bikers: folk singer Barry McGuire, who is better known to the world for performing his one hit, "Eve of Destruction"; and Billy Gray, better known as the son Bud from "Father Know Best."

The gang's fascination with the occult probably explains why they next head to a Satanic monastery, where they are drugged with bread and wine. The leader's old lady is kidnapped, does a naked snake dance, and then a skull dance. The bikers awake, interrupt the ceremony, beat the shit out of the monks, and leave for the desert. It is there that the gang's leader and his old lady start attacking other members of the gang, and we conclude that the two of them have been turned into werewolves by the mysterious ceremony. Once the gang realizes what is going on, they burn the leader and his old lady, then head back to the Satanic monastery for revenge.

I hate to spoil the ending of this masterpiece, but ... the bikers lose.

The biker sequences are all derivative, and the footage at the monastery is dark and overlong. The sound track is grating, and the film is full of unsympathetic characters. The main point seems to be that no matter how much of a bad-ass you are, there will be someone who is a worse-ass, in this case, Satan.

DVD INFO

widescreen (1.85:1) anamorphic print
a commentary track featuring director Michel Levesque and co-writer David M. Kaufman
a photo gallery of promotional materials
a theatrical trailer for this movie and another called The Losers (1970).

NUDITY REPORT

Anna-Lynn Brown: breasts

D.J. Anderson: breasts and buns

The Critics Vote ...

TV Guide 1/4

The People Vote ...

IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 2.6/10

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.
E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is an E. The film is padded to feature length by overlong ceremonies and pointless "riding along" scenes, but the meat of it isn't any good either.