Who's Your Daddy?  (2003) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Let's not mince words. This is a really poor movie.

I hated it despite the fact that the plot description sounds like something I might like.

A high school nerd from Ohio finds out that he is adopted, and that his biological parents have recently died, leaving him the heir to a massive soft-porn empire similar to Playboy, complete with the magazine and the mansion. He and one of his nerdy friends jet out to run the porn biz in California, where they get hornswaggled out of the whole shebang by his evil uncle and his personal shyster, Mike Hunt. Together with the Playmates and some loyal employees, the nerds fight to get the empire back from Uncle Dunky.

Everything proceeds predictably, but that's not the problem with the film. As we all know, it is possible to make this type of film a lot of fun even if predictable. Not this one. It fails in every other way as well. The acting is so broad it would embarrass Ace Ventura. The jokes have been culled from an intensive study of the best humor from seventh grade playgrounds in 1964. The characters are not especially empathetic, believable, or amusing. Even the nudity is boring - just uninvolving topless shots of anonymous women. The two female stars do rip-off nudity in which their naughty bits are covered with strategically placed long hair or bubbles.

Tuna pointed out last week in his review of Snapdragon that you know your movie is in trouble when Pam Anderson gives your best performance. Well, then, how bad is it when your major thespian is Patsy Kensit?

Real bad.

Avoid this like the plague.



  • no special features


  • Many centerfold girls are seen playing topless sports and working around the mansion.
  • Three classmates show their breasts to our hero after he returns to high school as a multi-millionaire
  • Ali Landry takes a bath on camera, but the bubbles always manage to cover her nipples.
  • Marne Patterson is topless in a sex scene, but nothing is visible because of creative editing and strategic placement of long hair.
  • There is a very large breasted topless woman who has a brief seduction scene with our hero.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a D. I watched it with my son. We both enjoy this kind of film. We looked forward to seeing it after reading the summary on the DVD box. We hated it. He gave up after 45 minutes. I would have, except that it was my job to watch it.

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