Witchery (1988) from Tuna

Witchery is an Italian ghost witch story shot on an island in Massachusetts. Per IMDb, the original name is La Casa 4.

There is a haunted hotel on the island, and David Hasselhoff is helping his girlfriend Leslie Cumming do some research there. Unbeknownst to him, she didn't have permission to be there in the first place. They are joined by a group of realtors and the new owner. The ghost/witch has some scheme involving killing several people in odd ways, which will allow her to come back to life and have a baby. Witchy starts sucking people through bathroom drains and into dumbwaiters, torturing them, and then doing them in imaginative ways. Another component  of her plan involves the loss of Cumming's virginity, something Hasselhoff has been totally unable to manage. That's no problem for a ghost/witch, however, who can simply ask the devil to rape her in Hasselhoff's stead. Now that I think about it, that probably worked out better for Cumming as well.

After that, things got too weird for words.

It's a bad film. In typical Italian fashion, all voices were badly dubbed. Given that most of the film took place in the rickety old hotel, there was more dialogue than action, making the bad dubbing a real problem. On the other hand, watching Witchery is not without its rewards. Any day I can see Hasselhoff both tortured and with blue balls is a good day, and then there is the matter of Leslie Cumming showing her breasts while the devil is taking her virginity, and a cast which also included a pregnant Linda Blair.

I suppose Hasselhoff's presence gives the film bad movie points, but, even so, this is a very lame effort. 

 

DVD INFO

  • Bare bones

 

NUDITY REPORT

Leslie Cumming shows breasts while the devil is taking her virginity.

The Critics Vote ...

 

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

  • A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
  • B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
  • C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
  • C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
  • C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
  • D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
  • E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
  • F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

 

Based on this description, this film is a D-

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