The Witches of Breastwick (2005) from Tuna

The Witches of Breastwick (2005) is a Jim Wynorski direct-to-DVD. It was summed up very well by Glori-Anne Gilbert in the commentary, "See, there's witches and breasts. That is what this is about."

Obviously, you won't choose this film for the intricate dimensions of the storyline, but here it is, for the record:

Matt Dailpaz is having a recurring nightmare in which three witches (Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie K. Smith and Stormy Daniels) try to do him in. He describes it to his shrink, and the shrink's receptionist (Jodie Moore) does a conference table strip for him. Hoping to end the nightmare, he  sets off with his wife (Monique Parent) to find the place and the witches in his visions. He has sex with Parent in the woods, they meet the witches, everyone has sex with everyone, then Taimie Hannum shows up, has sex with him, and warns him that he is in danger.

There is simulated sex, both guy/girl and girl/girl/girl in beds, bathtubs, hot tubs, and outdoors. If after-market body parts do it for you, that is exactly what this film delivers. The most important criteria for this film was to have between two and six naked breasts on the screen as often as possible. Wynorski himself said he was told to have nudity at least every five minutes, so everyone in the cast does full frontal nudity at least once. I thought Monique Parent looked especially good, with her moderate chest dimensions and sexy red heir both above and below.



  • No features except the original trailer
  • the transfer is not anamorphically enhanced, and is not especially vivid



Nudity is the entire point of the film. See the main commentary

The Critics Vote ...

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The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, the genre is "robo-tittie" flick, and this has more pounds of robo-tittie per frame than any other film I have seen, making it a genre masterpiece, albeit of a much-deprecated genre. It's a C+ by that narrow definition, but is not for you if artificial breasts turn you off.

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